8 MP3 Audio clips from American Pie (1999)

PLAY ALL 8 CLIPS

Clip 1

Jim Levenstein is watching some decidedly questionable late-night content, preparing to ‘pamper himself' when his mother walks in to his bedroom.

Jim's Mom

Hey, Jimmy. Just wanted to say sweet dreams.

Jim

Yeah, yeah, sweet dreams. Goodnight, Mom.

Jim's Mom

Kiss goodnight.

[She kisses him on the cheek]

Porn Actress

(Uhhhhh, yeah!)

Jim's Mom

Something wrong with the reception?

Jim

Uh, yeah. Yeah, there's, there's this nature show...

Porn Actor

(Lick it off!)

Jim

...that I'm trying to watch and... the, the birds are all scrambled and I can't even...

Porn Actress

(Do me! Yes!)

Jim

Um...

Porn Actress

(Baby! Ride me like a pony!)

Jim

Thing must be broken. I sat on the remote or something. I, I...

Jim's Dad

[Also walking into the room uninvited]

Ready for bed, son?

Jim

Yep, I'm all set, Dad. All set.

Jim's Mom

No, no. I, I think he's trying to watch some illegal channels, here.

Jim

Illegal, illegal channels?

Jim's Dad

This is just bad reception, honey.

Porn Actor

(Mmm, spank my hairy ass.)

Jim's Dad

What's that?

Porn Actress

(Ooooh, baby!)

Clip 2

A busy corridor scene at the boy's senior school.

Steve Stifler

Nova!

Chris Ostreicher

What's up, dude?

Steve Stifler

You comin' to the party tonight Ozzy, you fu*k face?

Chris Ostreicher

Uh, depends if my date wants to stop by. I'm workin' on something new.

Steve Stifler

I got an idea about something new. How about you guys actually locate your d*cks, remove the shrink-wrap and fu*king use them?

Clip 3

It's Steve Stifler's party. He's greeting his guests.

Steve Stifler

Sherman!

Sherman

Hey!

Steve Stifler

What the fu*k are YOU doing here?!

Clip 4

Still at the party, Chris Ostreicher is explaining how he's struck out having tried some corny lines on his date.

Steve Stifler

You guys are pathetic. I'm gonna find myself a little hotty.

[Mocking CHRIS OSTREICHER'S most infamous chat-up line so that everybody can hear]

SUCK ME, BEAUTIFUL!

[Laughs]

Clip 5

As part of their pact to lose their virginity before the end of high school, Chris Ostreicher has joined the choir. Steve Stifler can't wait to tell the other guys.

Steve Stifler

Dickhead! You've gotta see this.

[He leads the group to the auditorium where the performance is in full swing]

What did you c*cks do to him?!

Clip 6

The Lacrosse team are showering after a big game.

Steve Stifler

Do that cheerleader!

[OSTREICHER enters the shot singing the song he's been practising for his part in an upcoming choir contest]

Chris Ostreicher

How sweet it is to be loved by you.

Steve Stifler

Oh my God, you're gay!

Chris Ostreicher

Oh come on, sing it with me. You know the words.

Steve Stifler

No thanks, man. You've been singing that sh*t all week.

Clip 7

Steve Stifler has popped some laxative in Paul's Mockachino. Out of desperation, Paul ends up in the girl's toilet with an explosive case of diarrhoea.

Girl

[Responding to an audible fart]

Joany, um, was that you?

Joany

Ha!

Paul

Can't...hold...it...

[His bowels explode violently and the sounds echo around the bathroom walls, causing the girls to scream and run from the room]

Clip 8

It's the classic line from the Band Geek, Michelle.

Michelle

Oh and this one time? At Band Camp? I stuck a flute in my pu**y.

Jim

[Numbed by MICHELLE'S usually tedious stories, JIM takes a swig of drink and promptly spits it out]

Excuse me?!