7 MP3 Audio clips from Harold & Kumar Get the Munchies (2004)

PLAY ALL 7 CLIPS

Clip 1

Kumar has just deliberately failed an admission interview for Medical School. The professor is bemused by his behaviour and his reluctance to enter a career in medicine.

Dr. Willoughby

Do you actually believe after the way you've just behaved that I would ever even... consider recommending your for admission?

Kumar

No. I'm gonna be honest with you. The only reason I'm applying is so my Dad will keep paying for my apartment. I really don't have the desire to go to Med. School.

Dr. Willoughby

But you have perfect MCAT scores.

Kumar

Yeah. Just 'cos you're hung like a moose doesn't mean you've gotta do porn!

Clip 2

When you walk into your room and find your friend trimming his pubes in your mirror with your nasal hair scissors. That.

Harold

Hey! What the hell are you doing?

Kumar

I'm trimming my pubes.

Harold

Why aren't you doing this in your room, man?

Kumar

The mirror's in here. Hey, check it out! It's like a bonsai tree.

Harold

[Using his hand to block out KUMAR'S genitalia]

Heeeeyyy!

Kumar

Besides, man, it makes your Johnson look totally bigger.

Harold

[Still shielding his eyes]

Pleeease! Are those my scissors? Dude, I trim my nose hair with those.

Kumar

Dude, I've been cutting my ass hair with them for the past six months.

Clip 3

Rosenberg and Goldstein are watching a Katie Holmes movie. Rosenberg is waiting to catch a glimpse of her boobs. Goldstein takes it one step further.

Rosenberg

Katie Holmes is a nice, respectable, wholesome girl.And I'm gonna see her boobs.

Goldstein

The things I would eat out of her ass. You have no idea.

Rosenberg

Urgh, that is a completely vulgar statement.

Goldstein

So is "I wanna bang Britney Spears on the bathroom floor", but it's true!

Clip 4

It's a burger joint but it's not White Castle. And besides, according to the guy working the drive-thru, there's good reason to go elsewhere.

Drive-Thru Guy

Wise choice. Because you guys might have wanted to stay away from my special sauce tonight. Me and Pookie? We added a secret ingredient. I'll give you a hint. It's semen.

[Laughs hysterically]

Kumar

Semen?

Drive-Thru Guy

Animal semen.

[The guys scream and drive away quickly]

Clip 5

Harold & Kumar have escaped from campus security and are hiding in the female toilets when Christy and Clarissa enter and take up cubicles on either side of the boys.

Christy

Hey, Clarissa. Do you want to play Battlesh*ts?

Clarissa

[Laughing]

Oh my God. We haven't played that since back at camp.

Christy

I know, I know, I know, wait for it...

[The game begins]

Clarissa

Urgh, hit!

Christy

[Laughs]

Clarissa

[Drops a loud one]

Christy

Scag. You sank my Destroyer!

Harold

I CAN'T TAKE IT ANY MORE!

[Runs from the cubicle and exits the toilets]

CLARISSA

Christy, are you still there?

[CHRISTY, by way of reply, drops a depth-charge]

Damn. You sank my battlesh*t!

Clip 6

Liane is Freakshow's wife. Freakshow is fixing their car, they're waiting with Liane. She's telling them how much she loves Freakshow. And how much she'd love something else.

Liane

After Easter service one day I told him how much I loved his solo and he finally mustered up the courage to ask me out. We've been in love ever since. So, are you boys gonna fu*k me now or what?

Clip 7

Inexplicably, Neil Patrick Harris is hitch-hiking and Harold & Kumar have stopped to pick him up. They want burgers. Neil is interested in something else.

Neil Patrick Harris

Yeah, dude, you fascinate me. Forget White Castle. Let's go get some pu**y.

Harold

Huh?

Neil Patrick Harris

It's a fu*king sausage-fest in here, bros. Let's get us some poontang. Then we'll go to White Castle.

Kumar

No, Neil. You don't understand. We've been craving these burgers all night.

Neil Patrick Harris

Yeah. I've been craving burgers too. Fur burgers!