6 MP3 Audio clips from Harold & Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay (2008)

PLAY ALL 6 CLIPS

Clip 1

Friends share. They share food, they share secrets. But they DON'T share bathrooms. Not when one of them is... well, having a "number two" to be precise.

Kumar

[Sitting on the toilet, defecating loudly]

OH...YES, SON!

Harold

[In the shower]

What the fu*k? What the fu*k? What are you doing?

Kumar

I'm taking the most incredible dump of all time, man.

Harold

You couldn't wait until I got out of the shower?

Kumar

Um, may I remind you that we both just ate thirty burgers and four large orders of fries?

[His butt continues to explode]

URRRGGH! Don't worry. In a little bit I'm sure it'll hit you, too.

Harold

Yeah, maybe but I'm gonna wait until you get out of the shower.

Kumar

Well don't wait too long. We've gotta leave for the airport in an hour.

Harold

An hour?

Kumar

Oh, hey, Haroldy?

Harold

Yeah?

Kumar

Nice pubes.

Harold

A**hole. Get outta here. Right now.

Kumar

[Glancing into the toilet bowl between his legs]

OH, DUDE! THIS THING IS HUGE! I think it still has cheese on it.

Clip 2

Until I watched this movie I didn't know that a "blumkin" existed. And now I wish I didn't. Who's doing that?! It's enough to put me off food for a week.

Goldstein

Hey... hey, listen. You're not going to believe this but, uh... the other night I ended up at that Asian party and I, uh... I shtupped Cindy Kim.

Kumar

Shut the fu*k up! Are you serious?

Goldstein

Yeah, man. She even gave me a blumkin.

Kumar

What is a blumkin?

Goldstein

It's when a girl gives you head while you're sitting on the toilet taking a sh*t!

Kumar

Really?

Clip 3

Harold & Kumar have taken refuge with Raymus & Raylene. They're siblings. Who have a child. Together. And that child has just one big eye in the centre of his forehead.

Harold

There's a fu*kin' cyclops in your basement, man.

Kumar

A... thing, dude.

Raymus

Oh, you met Cyrus.

Harold

Cyrus?

Kumar

You named it?

Raylene

Our son. You must have woke him up. He's supposed to be asleep.

[Whispers]

I'm sorry.

Kumar

I thought you were joking when you said you had an inbred son who lives in your basement.

Raymus

Well, it ain't a joke. Raylene and I here are siblings. And we get it on. But that don't mean we ought to be judged.

Raylene

You boys must be awful tired after what you've been through. Come with me. I'll show you to your bed.

Raymus

[Opening the door to the basement and shouting down the stairs]

YOU BETTER GO BACK TO SLEEP, BOY. DON'T MAKE ME COME DOWN THERE AND WHIP YOUR CYCLOPS ASS!

Cyrus

[Squeals pitifully]

Clip 4

Harold, thanks to Kumar, is now thousands of miles away from his beloved Maria. Not the best time, therefore, for Kumar to suggest that she's... partying with European men.

Kumar

Yeah, well at least Vanessa's not in Amsterdam getting ploughed by a bunch of European dudes.

Harold

What?

Kumar

You really think Maria's saving herself for you, dude? Right now she's probably got two uncircumcised d*cks dangling in front of her throat and you know what she's gonna do with them? Down to her tonsils!

[KUMAR begins miming oral sex with two penises]

Clip 5

When it comes to women, Neil Patrick Howard likes 'em like a takeout. Fast and cheap. And when he rocks up to a brothel... well, let's just say he can't help himself.

Neil Patrick Howard

What's your name, miss?

Tits

Tits Hemingway.

Neil Patrick Howard

How'd you come up with that?

Tits

Well, I have huge tits. And my favourite book is A Moveable Feast.

Neil Patrick Howard

I guess that makes sense, yeah. Well, I hope you're ready for me, Tits. 'Cos I'm gonna rock out with my c*ck out. And you're gonna jam out with your clam out. It's gonna be magical.

Clip 6

Vanessa is about to marry a complete douche. A man who betrayed his former friends. A man who's now stood at the altar whilst his deceit is spelled out to his bride in front of their wedding guests.

Vanessa

What the hell is going on?

Kumar

I'll tell you what's going on. Your fiancé promised to get us out of trouble. But instead he arranged for us to be sent back to Guantanamo Bay where we'd be forced to suck Big Bob's fat d*ck.

[The wedding guests gasp in shock]