9 MP3 Audio clips from Chasing Amy (1997)

PLAY ALL 9 CLIPS

Clip 1

Hooper X is a militant comic book artist whose creation, "White Hatin' Coon" is, he believes, going to change the genre forever.

Hooper X

For years in this industry, whenever an African American character, hero or villian, was introduced; usually by white artists and writers, they got slapped with racist names that singled them out as Negros. Now... my book, "White Hatin' Coon" don't have none of that bullsh*t. The hero's name is Maleekwa, and he's a descendant from the black tribe that established the first society on the planet, while all you European mother fu*kers were still hiding in caves and sh*t, all terrified of the sun.

Clip 2

Alyssa and Holden are discussing Banky's idiosyncrasies. He sheds some light on why he is the way he is. And it's not a pretty story.

Alyssa

[Referring to BANKY]

Is he always like that?

Holden

Who, him? Yeah. Ever since the third grade. This, uh... this nun was teaching us about the blessed Trinity. You know? She's going on and on about the three persons in one God thing - Father, Son, Holy Spirit - Banky just goes ballistic on her. They got into this huge fight.

Alyssa

An eight-year-old kid? How bad could it have been?

Holden

Well, have you ever seen a nun call a small child a fu*king c*nt rag?

Alyssa

[Laughs]

Holden

It wasn't pretty. But sh*t like that's bound to happen when you make a kid wear a matching tie and slacks every day.

Alyssa

All right. And your parochial school misadventures?

Holden

Oh... mostly limited to wine tasting prior to mass. Turned me into a grade school alcoholic altar boy though. Can't tell you how many mornings after serious benders I'd wake up next to strange priests.

Clip 3

Holden has just hung up the phone. Banky is curious as to who he's been talking to and what he's been talking about.

Holden

That... was Hooper. He invited me to a club.

Banky

[Snorts]

Man, when's that faggot gonna learn? You like chicks.

Holden

Not that kind of club.

Banky

So when are we leaving?

Holden

We? You can't go. He's hooking me up with Alyssa.

Banky

And?

Holden

And I don't want you messing it up.

Banky

I don't care about your sh*t. I'm gonna hook up myself.

Holden

Told you. It's not that kind of club!

Clip 4

Alyssa is explaining to Banky how it's possible for two girls to fu*k... a concept that he's not at all familiar with. And then the conversation turns to love and how special it can make intimacy.

Alyssa

I'm sure you don't love every girl you sleep with.

Banky

Some of them I downright loathe.

Alyssa

Ah hah! But I bet it's different with the ones you do love. Like... you'll go down on 'em longer.

Holden

Oh... here we go.

Banky

I don't do that.

Alyssa

What?

Banky

I stopped dropping. It got to be too frustrating.

Holden

You know, as stupid as you usually come off during this little diatribe of yours, you're gonna come off ten times as stupid on this occasion.

Banky

What? I lost my tolerance for the bullsh*t baggage that comes with eating girls out. What's the big deal?

Alyssa

If you say the smell so help me I will slug you.

Banky

Not the smell. The smell is good. I'm talking about not being able to do it properly. And my mother brought me up to believe that if I can't do something right, I shouldn't do it at all. Course, my father told me she gave lousy head but that's beside the point.

Clip 5

Banky. He doesn't quite grab the concept of being gay. For him, it's a purely physical thing. And that's why he sounds such a douche most of the time.

Banky

[To ALYSSA]

Since you like chicks, right... do you just look at yourself naked in the mirror all the time?

[HOLDEN grabs him and drags him away from the table before he has the chance to make himself sound even more stupid]

Clip 6

Holden discovers a huge selection of "skin literature" in Banky's baggage. They're going on a two day business trip. But, apparently, Banky is quite the "connoisseur".

Holden

Who are you? Larry fu*king Flint? What are you going to do with all those?

Banky

Read the articles. What do you think I'm gonna do with them? They're stroke books, stupid.

Holden

You've got, like thirty books in there. We're only gonna be gone for two days.

Banky

Variety is the spice of life. I like a wide selection. Sometimes I'm in the mood for nasty close-ups. Sometimes I like 'em arty and airbrushed. Sometimes it's a spread brown eye kind of night. Sometimes it's girl on girl time. Sometimes a steamy letter will do. Sometimes - not often - but sometimes I like the idea of a chick with a horse.

Clip 7

Holden is falling hard for Alyssa. Banky doesn't like it. Partially, I'm guessing, because he doesn't believe in sexual fluidity and therefore assumes that all gay females hate men.

Banky

All right. Now see this? This is a four-way road. Okay? And dead in the centre is a crisp, new hundred dollar bill. Now at the end of each of these streets are four people. Okay? You following?

Holden

Yeah.

Banky

Good. Over here we have a male-affectionate, easy-to-get-along-with, non-political-agenda lesbian. Down here, we have a man-hating, angry-as-fu*k, agenda-of-rage, bitter dyke. Over here we've got Santa Claus and up here the Easter Bunny. Which one is going to get to the hundred dollar bill first?

Holden

What is this supposed to prove?

Banky

No, I'm serious. This is a serious exercise. It's like an SAT question. Which one is going to get to the hundred dollar bill first? The male-friendly lesbian, the man-hating dyke, Santa Claus or the Easter Bunny?

Holden

The man-hating dyke.

Banky

Good. Why?

Holden

I don't know.

Banky

BECAUSE THE OTHER THREE ARE FIGMENTS OF YOUR FU*KING IMAGINATION!

Clip 8

And still the boys are arguing over Alyssa. Or rather Holden's developing romantic relationship with her and Banky's refusal to accept the fact.

Holden

She's never even been with a guy.

Banky

That's what she says but I say her on her hands and knees getting filled out like an application constitutes being with a guy.

Clip 9

Jay and Silent Bob have popped in to collect their envelope stuffed with royalty money. Holden confides that he's having some girl problems.

Holden

I'm just, uh... I'm just having a little girl trouble.

Jay

B**ch pressing charges? I get that a lot.