7 MP3 Audio clips from The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy (2005)

PLAY ALL 7 CLIPS

Clip 1

The opening narration is an exact lift from the book and it couldn't have been better had they got God himself to read it. Stephen Fry is a legend and I'll punch anyone who says he isn't!

Narrator

It's an important and popular fact that things are not always what they seem. For instance, on the planet Earth, man had always assumed that he was the most intelligent species occupying the planet instead of the third most intelligent. The second most intelligent creatures were, of course, dolphins who, curiously enough, had long known of the impending destruction of the planet Earth. They'd made many attempts to alert mankind to the danger but most of their communications were misinterpreted as amusing attempts to punch footballs or whistle for tidbits. So they eventually decided they would leave Earth by their own means. The last ever dolphin message was misinterpreted as a surprisingly sophisticated attempt to do a double backwards somersault through a hoop whilst whistling The Star Spangled Banner. But, in fact, the message was this; "So long, and thanks for all the fish."

Clip 2

Trillian has wound up on the President of the Universe's ship. Frankly, he's weird. And stupid. And inappropriate. A little like Donald Trump in many ways.

Zaphod Beeblebrox

Hey, Slam... are you wearing my underwear? 'Cos I'm wearing yours and they ain't doin' the trick!

Clip 3

Deep Thought is a computer. A computer which has been assigned the task of finding to the answer to the ultimate question. The question of life, the universe and everything.

Deep Thought

The answer to the ultimate question... of life, the universe and everything... is... forty-two.

Clip 4

Trillian is in trouble. She's been taken hostage and is being fed to an unimaginable monster who is, apparently, fairly hungry. If only someone could dispense some advice on this subject...

Narrator

What to do if you find yourself stuck with no hope of rescue? Consider how lucky you are that life has been good to you so far. Alternatively, if life hasn't been good to you so far which, given your current circumstances, seems more likely... consider how lucky you are that it won't be troubling you much longer.

Clip 5

Some planets are more friendly and welcoming than others. This? This isn't a friendly planet. It's definitely not welcoming.

Ghostly Image

It is most gratifying that your enthusiasm for our planet continues unabated. As a token of our appreciation, we hope you'll enjoy the two thermonuclear missiles we've just sent to converge with your craft. To ensure on-going quality of service, your death may be monitored for training purposes. Thank you.

Clip 6

Arthur tends to shoot from the hip. He says what he thinks. But sometimes, he needs to consider that not everybody's frame of reference will be identical to his own. Especially not Zaphod's.

Arthur

Normality. Right.

[Clears his throat sarcastically]

We can talk about normality until the cows come home.

Ford

What is normal?

Trillian

What's home?

Zaphod

What are cows?

Clip 7

Anyone who's read the book will know about the sperm whale and the bowl of petunias. Don't understand the reference? Read the book or, at very least, rent and enjoy the movie!

Narrator

It is important to note that suddenly, and against all probability, a Sperm Whale had been called into existence several miles above the surface of an alien planet. And since this is not a naturally tenable position for a whale, this innocent creature had very little time to come to terms with its identity. This is what it thought as it fell...

Whale

Aargh! Whoa! What's happening? Who am I? Why am I here? What's my purpose in life? What do I mean by "who am I"? Okay, okay... calm down. Get a grip now. Ooh, this is an interesting sensation. What is it? It's a sort of a tingling in my... well I suppose I'd better start finding names for things... let's call it, um... a tail. Yeah. Tail! And hey, what's this roaring sound? Whooshing past what I'm suddenly gonna call my head. Wind. Is that a good name? It'll do. Yay! This is really exciting! I'm dizzy with anticipation. Or is it the wind? There's an awful lot of that now isn't there? And what's this thing coming towards me very fast? So big and flat and round, it needs a big wide sounding name like... ow! Ound. Round. GROUND! That's it! Ground! I wonder if it'll be friends with me. Hello ground!

[The whale hits the ground and a mushroom cloud emanates from the crash site]

Narrator

Curiously, the only thing that went through the mind of the bowl of petunias as it fell was, "Oh, no. Not again!" Many have speculated that if we knew exactly why the bowl of petunias had thought that, we should know a lot more about the nature of the universe than we do now.