15 MP3 Audio clips from Blazing Saddles (1974)

PLAY ALL 15 CLIPS

Clip 1

A group of cowboys are sat eating beans around a campfire. As one might expect, this questionable culinary feast plays havoc with their digestive systems and the air is thick with methane.

Mr. Taggart

God DAMN! Jeez...

Cowboy

How 'bout some more beans, Mister Taggart?

Mr. Taggart

I'd say you've had enough!

Clip 2

A snippet of conversation between Howard and Olson Johnson.

Howard Johnson

You know, Nietzsche says, “Out of chaos comes order.”

Olson Johnson

Oh, blow it out your ass, Howard.

Clip 3

Jim has been incarcerated for being drunk. Bart is proving to be the perfect host.

Bart

Okay, Jim. Since you are my guest and I am your host, what are your pleasure? What do you like to do?

Jim

Oh, I don't know. Play Chess? Screw?

Bart

Well, let's play Chess.

Clip 4

The final verse of the strangest hymn you'll ever hear in your lives.

Congregation

Now is a time of great decision. Are we to stay or up and quit? There's no avoiding this conclusion. This town is turning into sh*t!

Priest

Be seated!

Clip 5

Hedley Lamarr is not a man to be crossed and he's cooking up a plan to destroy the little town of Rock Ridge.

Hedley

Taggart.

Taggart

Yes, Sir?

Hedley

I've decided to launch an attack which will reduce Rock Ridge to ashes.

Taggart

Whaddya want me to do, Sir?

Hedley

I want you to round up every vicious criminal and gunslinger in the West. Take this down. I want rustlers, cut-throats, murderers, bounty hunters, desperados, mugs, pugs, thugs, nit-wits, half-wits, dim-wits, vipers, snipers, conmen, Indian agents, Mexican bandits, muggers, buggerers, bush-whackers, horn-swagglers, horse thieves, bulldykes, train robbers, bank robbers, ass kickers, sh*t kickers, and Methodists!

[Starts to laugh]

Taggart

Could you repeat that, Sir?

Clip 6

The conversation continues between Lamarr and Taggart.

Lamarr

Number 6? I'm afraid I'm not familiar with that one...

Taggart

Well, that's where we go a-ridin' into town, a whampin' and whompin' every livin' thing that moves within an inch of its life. Except the women folks, of course.

Lamarr

You spare the women?

Taggart

Naw. We rape the sh*t out of them at the Number 6 Dance later on.

Lamarr

Marvellous.

Clip 7

Lamarr is interviewing candidates for this campaign of terror against Rock Ridge.

Lamarr

Qualifications?

Cut-throat

Rape, murder, arson and rape.

Lamarr

You said rape twice.

Cut-throat

I like rape.

Clip 8

Taggart learns the hard way that when you're dealing with a chain gang that includes Bart, future Sheriff of Rock Ridge, it's best to keep a civil tongue in your head.

Taggart

Here, take that shovel and put her to some good use. Come on Lyle...

Charlie

Bart.

Bart

[Picking up the shovel]

What?

Charlie

Just don't do that now.

Bart

Uh-uh, Baby.

Charlie

Bart, don't do that.

Bart

I HAVE to!

Taggart

Send a wire to the main office. And tell 'em that I said...

[BART smacks TAGGART around the back of the head with the shovel]

... OW!

Lyle

Send wire, main office, tell 'em I said 'ow'. Got you.

Clip 9

Another classic conversation between Lamarr and Taggart, his thick-as-sh*t sidekick.

Lamarr

My mind is a raging torrent, flooded with rivulets of thought, cascading into a waterfall of creative alternatives.

Taggart

Gol darnit, Mister Lamarr. You use your tongue prettier than a twenty-dollar whore.

Lamarr

Sh*t-kicker!

Clip 10

Lili Von Shtupp is mocking Hedley Lamarr in her own unique style.

Lili

You're finished. Fertig. Fehrfallen. Fahrlumped. Fahrblungid. Fehrcacked.

[Breaks into song]

Ve Fahren of England, they...

[LAMARR slaps her in the face]

Lamarr

Shut up! You Teutonic twat.

Clip 11

Bart is really trying to establish himself as Sheriff of Rock Ridge but some bigoted, racist residents simply won't accept him, however amenable he might be.

Bart

Good morning, Ma'am. And isn't it a lovely morning?

Old Woman

Up yours, nig**r.

Clip 12

The town of Rock Ridge has showed out in force to welcome their new Sheriff. Gabby is atop a roof with a telescope watching Bart approach on horseback.

Gabby

The Sheriff's comin'.

Howard

Ring out the church bells! Strike up the band!

Gabby

Hey. The Sheriff is a ni-

[The church bell drowns out the rest of the word]

Samuel

What did he say?

Olson

The Sheriff is near.

Gabby

No, God flaming dang Reverend, the Sheriff is a ni-

[The church bell once again drowns out the rest of the word]

Townsfolk

Hurray! Hurray! Hurray!

Clip 13

"The French Mistake" purportedly refers to a straight guy having a gay sexual encounter he later regrets. It's also the title of the musical number which gets crashed by the marauders.

Chorus

Throw out your hands,

stick out you tush.

Hands on your hips,

give 'em a push.

You'll be surprised you're doing The French Mistake... voilà!

Clip 14

Bart & Jim are in need of disguises. Some Ku Klux Klan robes and hoods should do. So they entice two klan members behind a rock with this little ruse.

Jim

Hey, boys! Look what I've got here!

[Jim reaches behind the rock and pulls Bart into view]

Bart

Hey, where are the white women at?

Clip 15

You can't tell me that Bart didn't know exactly what he was doing when he made this announcement before his inaugural speech as Sheriff of Rock Ridge.

Bart

Excuse me, while I... whip this out.

[In the mistaken belief that BART is about to take more than merely a piece of paper out of his pants, the town's women start screaming and then the crowd sighs with relief when all that's exposed is BART'S hand-written notes for his speech]