Nick hates his boss, Dave Harken. Dale hates his boss, Julia Harris. Kurt actually likes his boss until he dies and his asshole son takes over the reins. The three are united in a desire to free themselves of their tyranny and together they hatch a plan...
Nick hates his boss, Dave Harken. Dale hates his boss, Julia Harris. Kurt actually likes his boss until he dies and his asshole son takes over the reins. The three are united in a desire to free themselves of their tyranny and together they hatch a plan...
The guys are looking for a seedy bar. The kind where you could find a contract killer. Kurt has the idea of asking Nav Guide for help.
Dale
I'm always curious about these things but is your real name Gregory?
Gregory
Uh, no, Sir. My real name is Atmanand.
Kurt
How d'ya get Gregory from that?
Gregory
Oh. Gregory was assigned to my by NavGuide.
Nick
Why don't they let you use your real name?
Gregory
They say many Americans find our real names hard to pronounce.
Nick
Hey, you know what? I'm not going to play by the rules any more. From now on I'm gonna call you Amanand.
Gregory
Atmanand.
Dale
What is it?
Nick
Amanand.
Gregory
Atmanand. ATMANAND.
Nick
I'm gonna call you Gregory 'cos that name's a fu*king nightmare, buddy.
Clip 2
Dave Harken is a horrible boss. Nick finds out just how horrible when he's invited to his office for a chat and a scotch.
Nick
Mr. Harken, the only reason I took one's because I thought you were gonna have one, so...
Dave
You took one because you thought I was going to have one? Is that something you think a Senior VP would do?
Nick
I was just trying to be polite.
Dave
So, what? If I was gonna put my balls in honey and shaved coconut, you'd do that too?
Nick
I would not.
Dave
Sure?
Nick
Yeah.
Dave
'Cos I've got some coconut.
Clip 3
The guys have arrived at a seedy bar and met a possible candidate for their contract killer. His name is Motherfu*ker Jones. Or is it?
Nick
Are you a businessman?
Motherfucker Jones
Yeah. Motherfu*ker Jones.
Nick
What's that?
Motherfucker Jones
Motherfu*ker Jones.
Dale
Your first name is Motherfu*ker?
Motherfucker Jones
Last name Jones. You got a problem with that?
Dale
No. No. Cool name. Yeah. Is that, like, on your birth certificate, too?
Motherfucker Jones
No. Goofball. My real name is Dean.
Dale
Dean Jones. That's the same name of the actor in Herbie The Love Bug.
Kurt
Yeah, he's not gonna know who that is.
Motherfucker Jones
I know who he is, b**ch.
Kurt
Sorry.
Motherfucker Jones
I can't walk around this fu*kin' neighbourhood with that Disney-ass name.
Clip 4
If proof were needed that Dale's boss, Julia is a sex-addict, she tries to molest him whilst his girlfriend is unconscious in the dentist's chair.
Dale
What are you doing?
Julia
You're gonna give me that dong, Dale.
Dale
My dong?
Julia
You're gonna fu*k my slutty little mouth.
Dale
Do you hear the words you say sometimes? I mean... who talks like that?
Julia
[Whispering]
Let's have sex on top of her.
Clip 5
Julia is depraved. This is NOT a normal conversation to be having with an employee.
Julia
Do you ever see that show Gossip Girl?
Dale
No.
Julia
I watched an episode last night... I fingered myself so hard to that Penn Badgely guy, I broke a nail.
Clip 6
A heart-to-heart between Nick and Dave Harken doesn't quite go to plan when Nick tries to admonish his employer for his savage business practices.
Nick
You know that last month you made me work so late I missed saying goodbye to my Gam Gam?
Harken
I'm sorry, what?
Nick
My grandmother. I told you that I needed to see her 'cos she was very, very sick. You said if I left early I'd get fired. And she died before I made it to the hospital.
Harken
I'm sorry.
Nick
Thank you.
Harken
[Starting to laugh]
I had no idea that you called your grandmother Gam Gam!
Clip 7
Pellit Junior, in contrast to his kind, generous old man, is an absolute c*ck womble. Kurt is about to discover just how much of one he is.
Pellit
Ok, what else? Oh yeah, we need to trim some of the fat around here.
Kurt
Trim the... what do you mean by trim the fat?
Pellit
I want you to fire the fat people.
Kurt
What?
Pellit
They're lazy and they're slow and they make me sad to look at. You can start with Large Marge.
[Reaches for the intercom]
Marge, can you come in here please?
Kurt
No, Marge's not fat, she's pregnant. I'm not gonna fire her.
Pellit
Fine.
[Into the intercom]
Stay where you are, Marge, Congratulations.
Clip 8
Julia is tending to a patient. She asks Dale to pass her the water jet. And then it all goes rather badly wrong. Again.
Julia
Water.
Dale
[DALE hands her the water jet and she "accidentally" sprays him in the crotch]
Julia
All right. See if this thing's working... Ohhh!
Dale
Oh my God.
Julia
Ohhhhhh. I'm sorry. I'm a squirter, Dale.
[Gasps]
Oh, you know what?
I think I... can make out our little friend right there.
[She squirts him again]
Dale
Stop it.
Ooh. Shabbat shalom, somebody's circumcised.
Dale
Okay...
Clip 9
The guys find a potential hitman on-line and arrange a meeting. Sadly, they've grossly misunderstood the meaning of the phrase Wet Work.