9 MP3 Audio clips from Horrible Bosses (2011)

PLAY ALL 9 CLIPS

Clip 1

The guys are looking for a seedy bar. The kind where you could find a contract killer. Kurt has the idea of asking Nav Guide for help.

Dale

I'm always curious about these things but is your real name Gregory?

Gregory

Uh, no, Sir. My real name is Atmanand.

Kurt

How d'ya get Gregory from that?

Gregory

Oh. Gregory was assigned to my by NavGuide.

Nick

Why don't they let you use your real name?

Gregory

They say many Americans find our real names hard to pronounce.

Nick

Hey, you know what? I'm not going to play by the rules any more. From now on I'm gonna call you Amanand.

Gregory

Atmanand.

Dale

What is it?

Nick

Amanand.

Gregory

Atmanand. ATMANAND.

Nick

I'm gonna call you Gregory 'cos that name's a fu*king nightmare, buddy.

Clip 2

Dave Harken is a horrible boss. Nick finds out just how horrible when he's invited to his office for a chat and a scotch.

Nick

Mr. Harken, the only reason I took one's because I thought you were gonna have one, so...

Dave

You took one because you thought I was going to have one? Is that something you think a Senior VP would do?

Nick

I was just trying to be polite.

Dave

So, what? If I was gonna put my balls in honey and shaved coconut, you'd do that too?

Nick

I would not.

Dave

Sure?

Nick

Yeah.

Dave

'Cos I've got some coconut.

Clip 3

The guys have arrived at a seedy bar and met a possible candidate for their contract killer. His name is Motherfu*ker Jones. Or is it?

Nick

Are you a businessman?

Motherfucker Jones

Yeah. Motherfu*ker Jones.

Nick

What's that?

Motherfucker Jones

Motherfu*ker Jones.

Dale

Your first name is Motherfu*ker?

Motherfucker Jones

Last name Jones. You got a problem with that?

Dale

No. No. Cool name. Yeah. Is that, like, on your birth certificate, too?

Motherfucker Jones

No. Goofball. My real name is Dean.

Dale

Dean Jones. That's the same name of the actor in Herbie The Love Bug.

Kurt

Yeah, he's not gonna know who that is.

Motherfucker Jones

I know who he is, b**ch.

Kurt

Sorry.

Motherfucker Jones

I can't walk around this fu*kin' neighbourhood with that Disney-ass name.

Clip 4

If proof were needed that Dale's boss, Julia is a sex-addict, she tries to molest him whilst his girlfriend is unconscious in the dentist's chair.

Dale

What are you doing?

Julia

You're gonna give me that dong, Dale.

Dale

My dong?

Julia

You're gonna fu*k my slutty little mouth.

Dale

Do you hear the words you say sometimes? I mean... who talks like that?

Julia

[Whispering]

Let's have sex on top of her.

Clip 5

Julia is depraved. This is NOT a normal conversation to be having with an employee.

Julia

Do you ever see that show Gossip Girl?

Dale

No.

Julia

I watched an episode last night... I fingered myself so hard to that Penn Badgely guy, I broke a nail.

Clip 6

A heart-to-heart between Nick and Dave Harken doesn't quite go to plan when Nick tries to admonish his employer for his savage business practices.

Nick

You know that last month you made me work so late I missed saying goodbye to my Gam Gam?

Harken

I'm sorry, what?

Nick

My grandmother. I told you that I needed to see her 'cos she was very, very sick. You said if I left early I'd get fired. And she died before I made it to the hospital.

Harken

I'm sorry.

Nick

Thank you.

Harken

[Starting to laugh]

I had no idea that you called your grandmother Gam Gam!

Clip 7

Pellit Junior, in contrast to his kind, generous old man, is an absolute c*ck womble. Kurt is about to discover just how much of one he is.

Pellit

Ok, what else? Oh yeah, we need to trim some of the fat around here.

Kurt

Trim the... what do you mean by trim the fat?

Pellit

I want you to fire the fat people.

Kurt

What?

Pellit

They're lazy and they're slow and they make me sad to look at. You can start with Large Marge.

[Reaches for the intercom]

Marge, can you come in here please?

Kurt

No, Marge's not fat, she's pregnant. I'm not gonna fire her.

Pellit

Fine.

[Into the intercom]

Stay where you are, Marge, Congratulations.

Clip 8

Julia is tending to a patient. She asks Dale to pass her the water jet. And then it all goes rather badly wrong. Again.

Julia

Water.

Dale

[DALE hands her the water jet and she "accidentally" sprays him in the crotch]

Julia

All right. See if this thing's working... Ohhh!

Dale

Oh my God.

Julia

Ohhhhhh. I'm sorry. I'm a squirter, Dale.

[Gasps]

Oh, you know what?

I think I... can make out our little friend right there.

[She squirts him again]

Dale

Stop it.

Ooh. Shabbat shalom, somebody's circumcised.

Dale

Okay...

Clip 9

The guys find a potential hitman on-line and arrange a meeting. Sadly, they've grossly misunderstood the meaning of the phrase Wet Work.

Man

Now, who's first?

Nick

No. We don't want you to kill US...

[There's a chorus of shocked agreement]

Man

Gentlemen. Gentlemen. What are you talking about?

Kurt

Your... your ad said you do wet work.

Man

That's correct. I urinate on other men for money.

Nick

What was that?

Kurt

What did he say?

Dale

I think he said he p*sses on dudes.