6 MP3 Audio clips from The Inbetweeners Movie (2011)

PLAY ALL 6 CLIPS

Clip 1

Simon is pining for Carly, his lost love. The boys rally around him to 'help'.

Neil

It's all right, mate. I understand. Anyone would miss those tits.

Simon

It's not that, Neil.

Neil

Is it a lovely snatch?

Simon

No.

Will

I know it feels rough now, Si but you just need to give it some time.

Simon

I'm just worried I'll never get over her.

[Begins to cry]

Jay

Well I can help you with that.

Simon

Can you?

Jay

Yeah. From now on every time you mention the moan-a-tronic 5000 you get a slap in the balls.

Simon

Do you mean Carly?

[JAY slaps him in the balls]

Ow! For fu*k's sake, Jay.

Neil

You were warned.

Simon

How's that helping?

Clip 2

The down-side of sharing a holiday apartment with your friends is having to listen to them having sex in an adjacent room.

[There are guttural sounds of spirited love making coming from the adjacent room]

Will (V/O)

The next morning I was woken up by what sounded like Bigfoot having an asthma attack.

Simon

What the fu*k is that noise?

Will

I think it's Neil.

Simon

Oh, no. Not the dinner lady from last night.

Dinner Lady

Smooth me lover.

Neil

I cannot understand a thing you say.

Dinner Lady

Spunk all over me bastard tits.

Neil

Oh, right.

Will

Well it's her or Johnny Vegas.

Neil

[Following a slapping sound]

Aargh!

Dinner Lady

Fu*king smack it. Smack it you little pr**k. Is that all you've got?

Neil

Shall I bite it?

Will

Interesting question.

Dinner Lady

Bite it!

Simon

This is beyond creepy.

Dinner Lady

Spit on it. Twist it right fu*king off.

Will

Okay. I'm getting out of here.

Clip 3

The boys have to share a coach to their hotel with a group of loud, brain-dead football fans.

Burnley fans

Can you hear the Preston sing? I can't hear a fu*king thing.

Will

When people now ask me if I like football, I say 'Yes. I do like football. But not Burnley. Burnley can fu*k off.'

Burnley fans

Come on Burnley, come on Burnley.

Clip 4

An unusual greeting from the owner of the hotel the boys have found themselves turning up to.

Hotel owner

You Willie?

Will

Yes.

Hotel owner

Your key. You have fun. But not too much fun. You sh*t on floor, fifty Euro fine. Each time.

Clip 5

That moment when a coach pulls up outside a hotel and you pray to God that it's not yours.

Will

It was a tense moment. Someone was obviously staying here.

Travel rep

Right then. McKenzie party. This is you.

Burnley fans

Yeeeeaaaahhhhh! Good one, fellas. Don't worry it'll look nice when it's finished.

Clip 6

Will's itinerary is at odds with the plans of the other lads.

Will

Right so the plan is get to the apartment, unpack, get some sleep and then head out fresh tomorrow. First stop the Minoan Place at Knossos.

Jay

Have you come on a lad's holiday by mistake? We haven't come half way across the world to look at some boring Greek ruins.

Neil

Yeah, you can see that sh*t anywhere.