11 MP3 Audio clips from Kingpin (1996)

PLAY ALL 11 CLIPS

Clip 1

Ernie McCracken is a smoothie. Or at least he likes to think he is. When he spots a group of ladies at a nearby restaurant table, he can't resist trying his hand.

Ernie McCracken

Hi.

Woman

Hello.

Ernie McCracken

Not you.

[He looks at his intended target]

Hi.

Girl

Hi.

[Giggles coyly]

Clip 2

Passing the time with your neighbours is a joy. Unless you're Roy Munson. Then it's just WEIRD. But then Roy doesn't live on the nice side of town.

Roy

Hey, Herb. How's life?

Herb

Takin' forever.

Roy

Mornin', Mike.

Mike

Roy... can you get sick drinkin' p*ss?

Roy

I think you can.

Mike

Even if it's your own?

Clip 3

Roy Munson wears a prosthetic rubber hand having lost his own to a vicious gang in 1979. He wears his 1979 championship ring on that hand. Just so you know...

Ishmael

How come you know so much about bowling?

Roy

Well maybe this'll help explain it to you.

[He shows ISHMAEL his championship ring on his false hand]

Ishmael

Wow. That's really something. What's that made out of?

Roy

Fourteen-carat gold.

Ishmael

Really? Looks like rubber.

Roy

No. The ring. Not the hand.

Clip 4

Having been caught trying to scam his landlady, she demands sexual favours in lieu of rent. The experience can't have been good because he's now hunched over the toilet throwing up.

[We hear ROY being violently sick]

Landlady

Oh, stop it you. It wasn't that bad. Oh, my little Roy toy. What is it about good sex that makes me have to crap? Guess it's all that pumpin'. Pump and dump. You really jarred something loose, Tiger.

[ROY continues to vomit it in the adjoining bathroom]

Clip 5

Roy is still throwing up and the Landlady is still making him suffer. Apparently his debt isn't quite repaid. Not yet. Not by a long chalk.

Landlady

Two... you still owe me another month's rent. So if I were you, I would start doing some tongue exercises before Friday.

[She does something so hideous with her tongue that I can't begin to describe it]

Clip 6

Roy is living in Brimfield, posing as Brother Hezakiah. His knowledge of farmyard animals isn't quite what it should be, however.

Roy

[Sporting a milk moustache]

Mornin'! I hope you don't mind. I got up a little early so I took the liberty of milking your cow for you. Yeah, took a little while to get her warmed up. She sure is a stubborn one and then POW! all at once.

[ROY drinks from a bucket of what he believes to be milk]

Amish Father

We don't have a cow. We have a bull.

[ROY spits out what he now realises isn't milk]

Roy

I'll go brush my teeth.

Clip 7

Some conversations are easily misconstrued. This is no exception. Ishmael is surprisingly 'wordly wise' for an Amish man.

Ishmael

God blessed my brother to be a good carpenter. It's okay.

Roy

Yeah, well he blessed you too and I'll give you a clue what it is. It's round, it has three holes and you stick your into fingers in it.

Ishmael

You leave Rebecca out of this, mister.

Clip 8

Roy, Ishmael and Claudia are enjoying a meal at a southern restaurant. Roy knocks a glass over.

Roy

Damn this hand.

Claudia

Where do you get something like that?

Roy

Prosthetics 'R Us. Aisle six. Right next to the glass eyeballs.

Claudia

Must be tough when you're spanking your monkey.

Ishmael

You have a monkey?

Clip 9

Roy has punched Ishmael to 'defend' him from the spurned lover of his dance partner. He thinks he was a hero. Claudia thinks he was a d*ck.

Claudia

That was really heroic, Munson.

Roy

Hey, I did Ish a favour, all right? If I hadn't knocked him out, those animals would've torn him apart. That's the thanks I get?

Claudia

You didn't have to have beers with them afterwards.

Roy

Well I didn't want them to think that we were in cahoots.

Claudia

I think you cleared that up when you rubbed Tabasco in his eyes.

Clip 10

Roy is trying to do a midnight flit with Ishmael, leaving Claudia behind. He wakes Ishmael up to put his plan into action.

Roy

Just be quiet.

Ishmael

Okay.

[ROY falls over in the darkness]

Roy

Urgh! I think I tore my sack.

Ishmael

Are you okay, Mister Munson?

Roy

Shh. What did I just say?

Ishmael

'I think I tore my sack'?

Roy

No. Be quiet.

Clip 11

Roy and Claudia are fighting. Claudia fights dirty. One kick to the pods and it's game over for Roy.

Roy

Ooof. Mammy! You must have a really wide foot. You got both of 'em.