10 MP3 Audio clips from Knocked Up (2007)

PLAY ALL 10 CLIPS

Clip 1

If ever there was an argument for making Net Nanny a lawful requirement for all parents, this is surely it.

Sadie

You know what I did the other day?

Alison

What?

Sadie

I Googled murder.

Alison

You Googled murder?

Sadie

Yah.

Alison

Why? I mean... what did it say?

Sadie

Didn't say anything. It just showed pictures of people lying dead on the floor and blood everywhere and oh...

Alison

That was just... ketchup.

Clip 2

The boys are creating fleshofthestars.com and are researching various moments of partial nudity in cinema.

Ben

All right, guys. Let's start logging, all right? Charles Manson, you any other thoughts?

Martin

Good. Awesome. Let's start this off with a bang. Jamie Lee-Curtis I've got an hour and ten minutes into Trading Places, uh... both... chesticles.

[The others laugh]

Clip 3

Alison has got a promotion and now faces a career in FRONT of the camera. This is, surely, cause for celebration. Debbie certainly thinks so.

Alison

I got a promotion!

Pete

Oh, congratulations.

Alison

Thank you.

Pete

Hey, maybe you can get your own place now.

Alison

[Laughs]

Let's not get ahead of ourselves.

Debbie

[Applauds]

Yay! Let's go celebrate.

Alison

Okay. Let's do it.

Debbie

Pete. Watch the kids?

Pete

Yeah. We can watch Taxi Cab Confessions.

Clip 4

The boys are on the pull in the same nightclub that Alison and Debbie are celebrating in. And they've noticed them. Oh yeah!

Jason

Who's that she's sitting with?

Ben

It's her sister.

Jason

Her SISTER?

Ben

Yeah.

Jason

Dude, it's the dream. What are we doing standing here man? Let's go. Come on, follow me. You stay here. Stay here.

Martin

Why?

Jason

Because your face looks like a vagina.

Clip 5

There's no easy way to break this news. And Ben sure doesn't make it easy. It's time to play the Blame Game!

Alison

I'm pregnant.

Ben

Fu*k off!

Alison

What?

Ben

What?

Alison

I'm pregnant.

Ben

With... emotion?

Alison

With... a baby. You're the father.

Ben

I'm the father?

Alison

Yes.

Ben

How the fu*k could this happen?

Alison

I don't know. I don't know. I mean I thought you were wearing a condom.

Ben

No.

Alison

What?

Ben

I wasn't.

Alison

Why not?

Ben

Because you told me not to.

Alison

What are you talking about?

Ben

What am I talking about? You told me not to.

Alison

I did NOT tell you not to wear a condom.

Ben

Here's what happened, okay? I will give you a play-by-play of my memory. I almost had the condom on my d*ck. It was on the cusp. And then YOU said, 'Just do it already'...

Alison

I didn't mean do it without a condom I meant... do it, like... hurry up, like... get fu*king going!

Ben

Well I assumed you were wearing a patch or, like... a dental dam or one of those fu*king butterfly clips or something -

Alison

What the hell is this "dental dam"?

Ben

It's like Saran Wrap, it's disgusting, okay but I thought you had one. Why the fu*k didn't you stop me once we started?

Alison

I don't know! I couldn't tell that you didn't have one on, obviously. I was drunk!

Ben

Was your vagina drunk? You think it's the thinnest condom on Earth I have on? I'm a fu*king inventor? I mean, a d*ck-skin condom? He hollowed out a penis and put it on. What the fu*k?!

Clip 6

There are times when double entendres aren't appropriate. This is definitely one of those occasions.

Martin

Ben, you can not let these monsters have any part of your child's life, all right? I, I, I'm, I'm gonna be there to rear your child.

Jason

D'ya hear that, Ben? Don't let him near the kid. He wants to rear your child!

Clip 7

The disadvantage of sharing a bathroom with another guy. Personal grooming can take on a whole new meaning when it comes to the toilet seat.

Jay

Man, my balls are shaved, my pubes are trimmed... I am ready to fu*king ROCK this sh*t.

Jonah

What the fu*k man? If I go in there and see fu*king pubes sprinkled on the toilet seat, I'm gonna fu*king lose my mind. Last time I went to the bathroom, Jay, I took a sh*t and my sh*t looked like a fu*king stuffed animal.

Clip 8

Sex during pregnancy is awkward for a lot of men. Ben is no exception. They've tried other positions and then he makes a final suggestion.

Ben

Okay. Can we do, do you wanna do it doggy style?

Alison

No. I do not want you to fu*k me... like a dog.

Ben

It's... I'm not fu*king you like a dog. It's doggy STYLE. It's, it's, it's, it's just the STYLE. It's not... I mean it's not like a DOG. We don't have to go outside or anything.

Clip 9

Pete has been caught out by his wife. Not cheating. Just playing fantasy baseball. He's had to leave in a hurry.

Baseball Guy

Hey, Pete... don't let the door hit you in the vagina on the way out.

Clip 10

Ben has arrived for a birthday party at Pete and Debbie's house. Little Sadie is going to give him the third degree first, though.

Ben

[Knocks on door which opens immediately to reveal SADIE standing there]

Oh, hey. Waddup dog?

Sadie

Where have YOU been?

Ben

Around. You know... Just kinda doing my thing.

Sadie

Why is everybody so mad at you?

Ben

I don't know. Are they mad? What have they been saying?

Sadie

They've been saying like blah, blah, blah, blah, blah... Ben's a pr**k.

Ben

They said that?

Sadie

A LOT.

Ben

That sucks.

Sadie

What does it mean?

Ben

Penis. It means penis.

Sadie

Oh. Penis.

[Laughs]