10 MP3 Audio clips from Little Nicky (2000)

PLAY ALL 10 CLIPS

Clip 1

The Devil has spent ten thousand years ruling Hell. He gathers his sons to discuss which one of them might succeed him as Prince of Darkness.

Devil

Fellas. This, as some of you might now, is my ten thousandth year as Prince of Darkness. So I think the time has come to discuss who will succeed me.

Jimmy

[Entering the throne room]

Uh...knock, knock.

Devil

Yes, Jimmy?

Jimmy

Don't forget you're shoving a pineapple up Hitler's ass at four p.m.

Clip 2

Adrian has possessed a priest and is about to give the most unusual (and certainly worst) sermon in the history of sermons.

Priest

In today's gospel, the Lord tells us how should live if we wish to attain the splendour of Heaven. Or something like that. Jesus this, Moses that, Abraham hit me with the wiffle ball bat.

[He begins miming scratching records]

Yep. The Lord sure did say a lot of hibbidy jibbidy bibbidy swibbidy. But... has he ever really done anything for any of us?

Woman

The Lord gave my son the strength to get off drugs.

Priest

Ma'am, I know your son. And believe me, he was better off on the drugs. Least when he was smoking hashish he used to make me laugh occasionally.

Man

After we tried for many years, the Lord finally helped my wife conceive a baby.

Priest

No, no, no, your best friend Fitzy helped your wife conceive a baby. He helped her conceive it all night long!

Fitzy

Hey hey hey!

Clip 3

Nicky has fallen asleep on a rock in Central Park. His snoring is scaring the wildlife and has attracted a crowd of on-lookers. Until he wakes up, that is.

Nicky

[Snoring like the Devil himself, he wakes up and turns to face the crowd]

I will eat your heart!

[The crowd scream in unison and scatter]

Clip 4

Adrian is still having fun. Nicky has met Valerie and has true feelings for her. Sadly, Adrian is about to remotely control what Nicky says to her.

Nicky

Thanks much, Valerie. You know what's nice about you?

[ADRIAN takes control]

Your juicy, heart-shaped heinie.

Valerie

What was that?

Nicky

I... I don't know why I said that. I.. I meant to say that...

[ADRIAN takes control again]

I've always dreamt about having sex with a gross pig. Can I wash my winky in your kitchen sinky?

Valerie

You're a real jerk.

Nicky

I didn't mean to be.

Clip 5

Regis Philbin is the royalty of chat show hosts in the U.S. A bit like the late Terry Wogan over here. But even he's not immune to Adrian's evil mind control techniques.

Regis

So, I was driving to work today. Some bozo in a Cadillac cuts me off. So I followed him. When he got out of his car, I ran up behind this guy and... I start BASHING -

Co-host

Regis!

Regis

- his brains in with this bat. Did you ever see the Untouchables? I was Deniro!

Audience Member

What's happened to you, Regis?

Clip 6

It's a big Harlem Globetrotters game and Adrian has taken control of the referee. And how he's having some fun with it.

Commentator

Normally, the Globetrotters represent family entertainment.

Adrian

Who gives a sh*t?!

Fan

These kids came here to see the Globetrotters win.

Adrian

Ten points off of the Globetrotters on account of the big mouth!

[Cackles]

Woman

It's all part of the show, baby.

Adrian

Hit the half-time buzzer... I'm tired.

Clip 7

A TV news reporter is interviewing the crowd during the half-time festivities. He approaches a little boy expecting a cute answer for the six o'clock bulletin. That's not quite what he gets!

TV Reporter

What made you want to come and see the Globetrotters today, son?

Kid

I came for the beer and the b**ches!

Clip 8

Beefy, the Bulldog who has been guiding Nicky since his arrival in New York, is fast asleep on the sofa. His snore is the creepiest thing since Donald Trump said that about his own daughter.

Todd

That... is the most horrifying thing I have ever seen.

[NOTE: The M4R ringtone version of this clip has been edited to exclude the dialogue. You're just getting Puffy's frankly horrifying snore, repeated twice.]

Clip 9

Adrian has brought Hell to Central Park. And the crowd are hungry for a show. A celebrity might help...

Adrian

So... while we wait, for your enjoyment... I bring you a dear, sweet man. Mister... Henry Winkler...

[The crowd go wild as WINKLER makes an appearance]

Henry Winkler

Good evening.

Adrian

... covered in bees.

Clip 10

Holly is Nicky's mother. She's an angel. Literally. They say opposites attract but jeez... that's pushing it, right?

Holly

But you have something that he doesn't have.

Nicky

A speech impediment?