8 MP3 Audio clips from Horrible Bosses 2 (2014)

PLAY ALL 8 CLIPS

Clip 1

Nick, Kurt & Dale are appearing on a morning television show to present their invention, The Shower Buddy. But Dale is hyper-ventilating with panic and the three just can't agree.

Mike

The Shower Buddy?

Dale

I'm sorry, that name's not official yet so...

Kurt

No. He's wrong. It is official.

Dale

I wanted The Shower Daddy.

Nick

Shower Daddy is worse on pretty much every level, so... yeah.

Mike

I have to agree with Nick.

Dale

It's better than having some strange dude in the shower with you.

Kurt

That's not some strange dude, Dale as I've said many, many times. It's your buddy.

Dale

Well why would your buddy be in the shower with you?

Kurt

WHY WOULD YOUR DAD?

Rachel

Uh-oh!

Nick

Don't scream on television.

Clip 2

Sometimes a website looks great on paper but sounds wrong when said aloud. Nickurdale is one of them. It sounds a little too much like the "N-word"

Mike

How would I get in touch with you guys?

Nick

You go straight to nickurdale.

Mike

I'm sorry, what?

Nick

.com? It's our website. nickurdale.com.

Mike

I'm positive I'm not hearing that right.

Dale

It's our names. Nick, Kurt, Dale.

All three

[In unison] Nickurdale!

Mike

Y'all... y'all gotta change that name.

Clip 3

Kurt is hiring staff based on how hot they are and whether they're single. Not the greatest basis for assessing staff.

Nick

Kurt, you gotta stop hiring hot, unqualified women.

Kurt

C'mon, what's the point being the boss if you can't stock the pond a little?

Dale

You do realise you can't sleep with these women, right?

Kurt

What's he talking about?

Nick

He's talking about you're the boss, it's called sexual harassment.

Dale

Yeah, sexual harassment, remember? I tried to kill my boss. Ring a bell?

Kurt

So what... I gotta fire them all now? We just hired 'em.

Dale

No. You can't fire 'em.

Nick

No. You can't fire 'em just because you're not allowed to sleep with them. That's also sexual harassment.

Kurt

Why are we even doing this, then?!

Clip 4

Bert Hanson has just pulled the carpet from beneath our entrepreneurs. P*ssed on their strawberries. Went in dry. But Bert's son, Rex, is impressed.

Rex

Oh, Dad... that is a hell of a fu*king play. We should fit these guys for crowns 'cos they just got fu*ked royally!

Clip 5

The three amigos have gone to visit Dave Harken in prison, hoping that he can provide a ray of light in an otherwise very dark tunnel.

Dave Harken

[Whispering]

I think I can help you.

Dale

He's gonna help? Okay, I got a notepad.

[Shouting through the glass]

I GOT A NOTEPAD.

Dave Harken

From a legal standpoint...

Kurt

Legal standpoint...

Dale

Legal standpoint...

Dave Harken

Your options are...

Kurt

Options are...

Dale

Legal options...

Dave Harken

JACK FU*KING SH*T!

Clip 6

Nick is on look-out duty whilst Dale & Kurt steal a canister of Nitrous Oxide from the dental practice where Dale used to work. They're using Dora The Explorer walkie-talkies to communicate.

Nick

How we doin' in there guys?

Kurt

I got it, I got it, I got it, I got it... We're all good in here. How are things lookin' out there, Nick?

Nick

Things are good. Hey, can you not say my name over the radio please?

Kurt

Why not?

Nick

Could be somebody on the frequency.

Kurt

Oh yeah. Good point. Smart. Very smart. There you go, that's using the old Hendricks brain.

Nick

And... there's the last name.

Dale

Hey, you know what?

Kurt

What?

Dale

We should come up with codenames.

Kurt

Absolutely.

Dale

Hey, hey, hey... uh, Nick. Where you landed on codenames?

Nick

Boy, I'd love it if you stopped saying my name. Will you just get the gas and get out here?

Clip 7

Nick is covering for Dale & Kurt who are hiding in the restroom. He thinks, initially, that this is an AA meeting. But it's not. As he's about to discover.

Roz

Gladstone, would you like to share with us what's led you into recovery?

Nick

Uh, well... okay. I... I do have a very big... problem. I've just been hittin' it hard. I've been hittin' it hard...

Dale

He thinks he's in an AA meeting.

Nick

Getting together with the guys. Often times ending up just face down.

[Dale & Kurt laugh]

Chugging one after the other. Sometimes double-fisted... just...

[He mimes drinking from two bottles, one in each hand which, as a mime, is very similar to something else]

You know? You know what I'm talking about.

Julia

So, your sexual addiction... it's... it's homosexual in nature.

Nick

My sex addiction? My sex addiction is, um... and then what did you say?

Julia

You like to fu*k guys.

Nick

No. My sex addiction is to ladies.

Julia

Oh.

Nick

You know, I'm addicted to women.

Julia

[Whispers]

Boring.

Nick

There was once though, there was once, oh boy if I can just... if this is safe in here, I'd love to shake this out and share it. Uh, I was a boy.

Julia

[Visibly getting turned on]

How old were you?

Nick

I don't know. Young.

Julia

Fourteen, maybe?

Nick

I think we were. Two fourteen year-old boys at camp and not... knowing what we're doing and... just... wrestling.

Julia

Ooooh! Wrestling camp. Fourteen. Nice. Did you guys wear those... tight little onesies?

Member

Singlets.

Nick

Is that what they're called?

Julia

That's right. Singlets. Tight little spandex offering a clear little outline of, say... a circumcised helmet?

Nick

Oh, boy!

Julia

Am I gettin' warm?

Roz

Okay, uh... maybe someone else should share.

Julia

No, no, no... let's go to the unit.

Nick

Sorry?

Julia

What was the unit like? On this little b... was it veiny? Smooth? Turtleneck? Anteater?

Nick

Just... I dunno. Pretty normal.

Julia

Starter penis?

Nick

Not the words I would've used, but...

Julia

Now, did this penis ever, at any point, find its way into your mouth?

Roz

Julia. No. You're not going to pull this stunt again.

Nick

What stunt is that?

Roz

Stopping the meeting early so she can try to flip another gay.

Nick

Really?

Roz

She always wants what she can't have.

Julia

Listen. Relax. Okay? He's not even gay. He had one c*ck when he was fourteen and it hasn't even made its way into his mouth yet.

Nick

Well, if you'd let me finish...

Julia

So you did eat that c*ck?

Nick

You're asking if I sucked it?

Julia

I know you sucked it. I just wanna hear you say it.

Roz

Gladstone, you don't have to say it.

Julia

Yeah, shut up and let him share. So you ate it?

Nick

You wanna know if I ate that d*ck?

Julia

Did you suck that c*ck like a Bomb Pop down to the blue?

Nick

You want the answer?

Julia

Give it to me, Gladstone.

Nick

I ate that d*ck. I ate those balls and I licked that kid's sweaty a**hole.

Julia

Damned right you did because you are awesomely gay.

Nick

I am super gay, never been straight and you know what else I've never been? Inside a woman.

Julia

Meeting adjourned!

Nick

Everybody out!

Clip 8

Our three heroes are getting ready to expedite their plans. They all have codenames. Well... all except Nick. But even he's warming to the idea!

Kurt

Blade is in position.

Dale

Majestic in position.

Nick

I am in... Killshot is in position.

Kurt

Ooh, Killshot?

Nick

Yeah. I wanna be Killshot.

Kurt

Then you are Killshot, dude. I love it.

Dale

It's a pretty sweet name there Nick.

Kurt

Oooh, easy, easy... we don't wanna use real names if we're using codenames, Dale.

Dale

Well don't say my name either, Kurt.

Kurt

Well, mine was an accident. Yours was clearly on purpose there.

Dale

I don't think yours was an accident.

Kurt

What are you talking about?

Nick

You know, why are we on the walkie-talkies? We're in the same room. C'mon.