5 MP3 Audio clips from Kevin & Perry Go Large (2000)

PLAY ALL 5 CLIPS

Clip 1

Those who remember the original show will know that Kevin is prone to masturbatory dreams. This film starts with one where he's Anne Boleyn's executioner.

Anne Boleyn

Please don't execute me. 'Tis such a waste of my... lovely woman's body. I've got years of shagging left in me. Why chop off my head when thou could lift up my dress and look at my front bottom?

Kevin

Phwoar! I'm not going to kill you!

[The crowd cheer]

Clip 2

Kevin & Perry have been told to find work to pay for their holiday. First stop, the local record store. Perfect for two superstar DJs!

Store Manager

You want me to give you a job?

Kevin

Yeah!

Perry

Please.

Store Manager

Do you know the store?

Perry

Yeah.

Kevin

Yeah.

Store Manager

Where do you find punk?

Perry

On my sheets... Spunk.

[He makes ejaculatory noises with his mouth]

Clip 3

Kevin & Perry have landed in Ibiza. And so has Eyeball Paul (Rhys Ifans) who has a limousine for him and the two hot babes he has on his arm.

Kevin

Woah! It's superstar DJ Eyeball Paul.

Eyeball Paul

Tits up, Big Baz. Havin' it large!

Kevin

All right, Eyeball Paul?

Eyeball Paul

[Belches loudly into KEVIN & PERRY'S faces making them laugh]

Perry

Cool!

Kevin

Brilliant!

Eyeball Paul

[The chauffeur drops a case of vinyl]

Be careful, you clumsy twat. Them tunes ain't spaggage.

[He opens the door of the limo]

Muff, Wa*kette, you dirty little club babes... get in.

Clip 4

Paul Whitehouse (Harry Enfield's comedy partner) makes a cameo appearance in this movie as a bouncer outside the Cream nightclub. He has a strict munter policy.

Bouncer

Sorry girls. No monsters. Beautiful people can pass. But monsters... no. Do you understand? Look. Your faces... uurgh!... offend my mirror.

Clip 5

There's a reason Eyeball Paul is called Eyeball Paul. It has to do with the way in which he consumes alcohol. Namely pouring it straight into his eye from the bottle. Novel, huh?!

Eyeball Paul

[Pouring vodka straight into his eye from the bottle]

TWAT! Gets into your bloodstream quicker.

Kevin

Cool!

Perry

Rinsing!

Kevin

C'MON!

Eyeball Paul

You were saying?

Kevin

Yeah, um... we done a mix of...

Eyeball Paul

Yeah, yeah, yeah. First of all, lads, I thought I might give my bathroom a bit of a paint. Fancy giving us a hand?

Kevin

Yeah, love to.

Perry

Yeah, sorted.

Eyeball Paul

Brushes are in the cupboard in the kitchen. Give us a shout when you're finished.

Kevin

Great.

Perry

Thank you.

Eyeball Paul

Oh and lads? You'll see I've just had a banging sh*t in the bog. Won't flush. You might have to push it down.