10 MP3 Audio clips from A Fish Called Wanda (1988)

PLAY ALL 10 CLIPS

Clip 1

Ken has an excruciating stammer. So when Otto asks him to explain what the attraction of animals is, Ken struggles to tell him.

Otto

You really like animals, don't you Ken? What's the attraction?

Ken

Because you can t... trust them and they don't sh... don't sh...

Otto

Sh*t on you?

Ken

...shove off... all the... time.

Clip 2

Otto and Wanda are celebrating a small victory. The war is not yet won but the battle is now over.

Otto

[Laughs]

Do you believe those c*ckney klutzes bought our story? What morons!

Wanda

I want you to know something, Otto.

Otto

What?

Wanda

Even if you were my brother, I'd still want to fu*k you.

[Whispering]

Otto

No...

Clip 3

Otto has yet to acclimatise to driving on the left. He starts up his car, speeds away from the kerb, turns right without indication and crashes into a Ford Sierra coming the other way.

[We hear the car accelerate away and the collision]

Otto

A**HOLE!

[We now hear the second car lose control and crash off-camera]

Clip 4

Ken has come home early, nearly catching Wanda and Otto making love. In order to maintain their brother / sister cover, Otto pretends to be gay.

Otto

May I kiss you, Ken?

Ken

No, you fu*king can't!

Otto

Just a peck.

Ken

No.

Otto

No tongue.

Ken

No.

Otto

Ken!

Ken

Get off!

Otto

Ken!

Clip 5

Keeping up the pretence of being gay, Otto watches Ken walk away from Richmond Crown Court and shouts this after him.

Otto

I love watching your ass when you walk. Is that beautiful or what?! Don't go near him. He's mine!

Clip 6

Otto is driving Wanda to Archie Leach's house. They're discussing how far it is permissible for her to go in order to secure his services.

Wanda

What about my tits?

Otto

Does he get to handle them?

Wanda

Yes. That's my forecast... I'll stand by that.

Otto

Nuzzling?

Wanda

I think twenty million dollars is worth a little nuzzling. Eighty percent chance there.

Otto

Sucking?

Wanda

I thought you weren't jealous.

Otto

I'm not. I don't believe in jealousy. It's for the weak. One thing though. Touch his d*ck, and he's dead.

Clip 7

Archie is seducing Wanda in an amazing apartment overlooking the Thames and Tower Bridge. They're alone. But he wants to check.

Archie

Your brother didn't bring you here this time, did he?

Wanda

No.

Archie

He has no idea?

Wanda

He doesn't have a clue.

Archie

Why?

Wanda

He is so dumb.

Archie

Really?

Wanda

He thought that the Gettysburg Address was where Lincoln lived.

Archie

[Laughs]

All those terrible lies he told about the CIA. So... painful.

Wanda

And when he heard your daughter's name was Portia?

Archie

Yeah?

Wanda

He said, "Why did they name her after a car?"

Archie

[Laughs harder]

Wanda

I love the way you laugh.

Archie

I love you. You're funny.

Clip 8

Archie is busted. He doesn't know it yet but his wife, Wendy, is watching and listening from the bedroom window.

Otto

Now, about my sister.

Archie

[Whispering]

Otto, I just... I just...

Otto

She's a very sexy girl. I understand you wanting to play around with her.

Archie

[Whispering]

Otto... Otto.

Otto

It's okay. I was wrong. I'm sorry I was jealous. Just go ahead. Pork away, pal. Fu*k her blue.

Clip 9

Archie is visiting George in the cells at the Crown Court. They need to talk. But George wants to ensure a little privacy first.

Archie

George.

George

What?

Archie

We've got to talk.

George

You tell those pigs to fu*k off.

Archie

[Turning to address the two POLICE OFFICERS guarding the door]

Fu*k off, pigs.

[The OFFICERS don't move]

Did you hear what I said? Fu*k... off.

Clip 10

Archie has arrived at George's flat to find Ken tied to a stool on the floor. He's untying him when...

Archie

I'm George's barrister. What's happened?

[Outside is the sound of a blaring car horn followed by a screech of tyres and a collision]

Otto

[From outside]

A**HOLE!

Other Driver

...bloody hell do you think...

[Otto fires a silenced pistol and the other driver's hat is knocked off]

...all right then!