12 MP3 Audio clips from The Heat (2013)

PLAY ALL 12 CLIPS

Clip 1

Mullins doesn't like being disturbed when she's on a stake-out, even if the person doing the disturbing happens to be her Captain.

Dispatcher

[Over the radio]

Hey, Mullins. Captain wants to know when you're coming in.

Mullins

Hey, you know what? Tell him I'll be there sharply at, uh... go fu*k yourself o'clock, okay? If there's no traffic. Thank you.

Clip 2

Trying to pick up a prostitute when you have a cop watching you is a bad move. When it's Mullins doing the watching, you're going to have a VERY bad day. Especially when she calls your wife.

Bella

[Audible on the phone]

Hello?

Mullins

Yeah, who's... is this Bella?

Kerbcrawler

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no...

[MULLINS places the man's left hand into a gooseneck to prevent him grabbing the phone]

... AARGH! OW!

Mullins

Don't do that.

Kerbcrawler

GOD!

Mullins

Yes, this is Officer Mullins. I'm here with your husband.

Kerbcrawler

God, what are you... Spock?

Mullins

No. No, no he's not been in an accident... unfortunately. I just... I do have him here with a known prostitute.

Kerbcrawler

God, SHE'S LYING, BELLA. SHE'S LYING!

Mullins

Oh, that's not the first time, huh? Yeah, that's him. He's crying because I'm breaking his fu*king hand. Oh! She says do it harder.

[She increases the pressure]

Kerbcrawler

Aargh!

Mullins

There you go, Bella. This is from Bella. You gotta go with your instincts, Bella. Yep, you're welcome.

[She hangs up]

Yep. She's probably gonna burn your sh*t tonight, so...

Kerbcrawler

C'mon...look, you don't understand, all right? She's just had a baby. There's a lot going on down there. I'm not going to touch that.

Mullins

Why don't you take your, uh... seatbelt off for a minute.

Kerbcrawler

C'mon, please...

Mullins

Yeah, no... you seem like a reasonable guy. Take your fu*king belt off.

Kerbcrawler

You look like you've got some compassion.

Mullins

Listen. I love, I love the sound of a guy that after his wife gives him his fifth fu*king child complains about her messy vagina.

Clip 3

Rojas is a pimp. And a dealer. Which makes him enemy number one for Mullins. But he just HAS to try the race card. And it doesn't work. Not with her.

Rojas

Lady, tell me this. Why you so obsessed with me? You should be ashamed of yourself trying to break down a successful black man. You racist?

Mullins

Don't play that race bullsh*t card with me. Nine out of ten guys I fu*k are black guys.

Clip 4

Mullins has finally found a parking space and is about to interrogate Rojas when she notices that her prisoner isn't where she left him.

Mullins

Why is the cage empty? What have I told you about moving my prisoners?

Sergeant

He's in interrogation.

Mullins

Why would he be in interrogation when I'm standing right here?

Sergeant

They... they came and got him.

Mullins

Who's they? Better be two of me. Is it two of me?

Sergeant

It was a lady, she was...

Mullins

I'm a lady. Did I come and get him?

Sergeant

No, no it was a different lady. She was nice.

Mullins

I'm fu*king nice. Why was she nice to you?

Sergeant

She made me give her the keys.

Mullins

I'm gonna make you fu*king bend over and I'm gonna reach up your ass into your pocket and get the keys to your house. And then I'm gonna drive there, come in your front fu*king door and kill you in your sleep.

Clip 5

Mullins is searching the Captain's office. Ashburn doesn't know initially what she's searching for but it becomes painfully apparent when she asks the question.

Mullins

No. Not in there.

Captain Woods

There's nothing I can do, Mullins. The FBI has jurisdiction.

Mullins

Maybe they're in here...

Captain Woods

Oh, come on.

Mullins

Maybe they're in here, no?

Captain Woods

Stop. Will you stop?

Mullins

No. They're not in there. Let me see...

Ashburn

What is she doing?

Mullins

They're not under there.

Captain Woods

She's looking for my balls.

Mullins

[Opening the office door and shouting to the whole office]

Hey, has anyone seen the Captain's balls? Let me know. They're about this big. But a lot tinier. You know, like a pea or like a... like a ball-bearing. Or like if you've ever seen a mouse ball. But half that size. Incredibly tiny, they're like really, really tiny little girl balls. If little girls had balls. So if you find little tiny girl balls, that are SO FU*KING TINY... and shrivelled up... let me know 'cos I'll put 'em right back up his scrotum.

Captain Woods

Knock it off, Mullins.

Clip 6

Ashburn doesn't like having her jurisdiction stepped all over. She has some choice, firm words for Mullins. And Mullins has some words of her own to fire right back.

Ashburn

I'm gonna say this one more time. Stand down, Officer.

Mullins

Fu*k off, Officer.

Ashburn

Oh, okay, guess what? Now you've really done it. I'm gonna call my boss.

Mullins

Yeah, you do that... Tattletits!

Clip 7

Mullins is well known around Boston and she can't move for ex-conquests. This one is particularly persistent. Until she puts him straight.

Mullins

Buddy, do you not hear how pathetic everything out of your mouth sounds? I mean there's a girl out there for you but it's not... it's not me. Maybe it's her.

[Indicating ASHBURN]

Her "lady business" is like... an old dirty attic just full of broken Christmas lights and like dolls shoes and sh*t. Why don't you clean that out for her?

Ashburn

[To MAN]

Uh, that's uh, that's a misrepresentation of my vagina.

Clip 8

Mullins and Ashburn are undercover at a night club. If only buying alcohol from the bar was part of the act. But no. This is Mullins.

Bartender

Fourteen dollars.

Mullins

Fourteen dollars? Is... is it magic fu*king whisky? Do...do I get a motorcycle with it? Is it going to be served in Jesus' shoe?

Clip 9

Mullins and Ashburn are present for the autopsy of a gangster who's been murdered, speaking to the Pathologist.

Mullins

Yep, that's Sal Natale, all right.

Pathologist

Bullet hole through the head.

Ashburn

That's unusually civilised for them.

Pathologist

No, they cut out his tongue, too.

Ashburn

Ah. There you have it. They like to send a message. Did you find the tongue?

Pathologist

Sure. Yeah. They shoved it up his anal cavity.

Mullins

Ooh. That's a weird message.

Pathologist

Yeah. The tip of the tongue was sticking out of the rectum so it made it appear as if his buttocks were giving the police a raspberry.

Mullins

Did they draw googly eyes or anything on his butt cheeks?

Pathologist

No.

Mullins

Seems like... kind of an opportunity missed. Would've been funny.

Clip 10

Mullins and Ashburn have arrived at a warehouse and are ready to take in their perps. Sadly, however, they've been outflanked.

Ashburn

[Whispering]

I'm gonna call for backup.

Hale

[Appearing behind MULLINS and ASHBURN and pointing a Glock at each of them]

It's already here!

Ashburn

Oh, hey! I was looking for you. Um, I forgot to get your number.

Hale

Cool, yeah. Uh, it's... 1-800-GIVEMEYOURFU*KINGGUNS.

Ashburn

That's... that's, uh, that's... too many numbers.

Mullins

Okay...

Clip 11

Cursing is obviously not Ashburn's strong point because she's really, REALLY bad at it. She knows the words. Sort of. But she has no idea how to put them into the right order. Or use them in context!

Ashburn

God, you guys are just... what is... what is the matter with you? You're such... you're just such... JERKS. You're just such... SH*T JERK. You're just a SH*T JERK... D*CK... FU*KER. You're a SH*T JERK D*CK FU*KER A**HOLER. And you all can just go fu*k yourselves!

Clip 12

Ashburn has sustained a knife wound to the leg. She's about to be wheeled off to the OR when Mullins has a request of the medical staff.

Mullins

Do what you can to save that leg.

Nurse

Oh, I'm not a doctor.

Mullins

All right, fu*ktard. Just... I know you're not a doctor. But tell it to the doctor. How 'bout that?