10 MP3 Audio clips from Fletch Lives (1989)

PLAY ALL 10 CLIPS

Clip 1

Fletch is still making alimony payments and is now $4,000 in arrears. His ex-wife's lawyer ends up out on his ear with a decidedly soggy briefcase for even trying.

Fletch

Well, thanks for coming by, Marvin.

Marvin Gillet

You can expect to hear from my lawyers.

Fletch

Oh, Gillet. One more thing. Come back here. It's very important.

[GILLET returns to the door he's just been bodily ejected from]

They're doing a thing now where they actually make an incision in the scalp and push the hair together. Or you could try a transplant. Maybe the hair from your ass. Might make you smarter. Bye!

Clip 2

Fletch still has it. Whatever "it" is. And it's not sexual magnetism, charm or charisma if you were wondering. It's definitely not any of those things.

Fletch

Betty. How about lunch at the "In and Out Burger"?

Betty

I'm not hungry.

Fletch

All right, forget the burger. How about just the in and out?

Betty

[Sighs]

Fletch

Very well, how about just the in?

Betty

[Sighs]

Clip 3

Like me, Fletch always seems to end up with the chatty, slightly mad person sitting next to him on every flight.

Female Passenger

That's an interesting watch you're wearing. Is it a prize of some sort?

Fletch

No.

Female Passenger

It certainly looks like one.

Fletch

It's a championship Laker watch.

Female Passenger

Oh, are you a Laker?

Fletch

I used to date one. Only thing I have to remember him by.

[The plane hits a pocket of turbulent air and shakes violently]

Female Passenger

Oh Lord, what was that?

Fletch

[Glancing out of the window]

Just clipped a Piper Cub. Pilot's okay. I just saw him parachuting.

Female Passenger

[Laughs]

I love a man with a sense of humour.

Clip 4

If I ever found myself in a police cell (or a prison cell) there's one kind of guy I'd rather not be in close proximity to. THIS kind of guy to be exact.

Fletch

You know... you really shouldn't wear so much eye make-up. It makes you look cheap.

Ben

You're sitting on my bunk.

Fletch

Oh, I'm sorry.

Ben

Shut up.

[He throws FLETCH into the corner of the cell]

Take your pants off.

Fletch

I don't even know your name.

Ben

Bend over.

Fletch

Ben? Nice to meet you.

[He extends his hand]

Victor Hugo. You wouldn't happen to have a middle name would you? Everybody else around here seems to. What are you in for, Ben?

Ben

Molesting a dead horse.

Clip 5

Fletch is providing one of his famous monologues. This one concerns his inheritance and how it might so easily have gone to a minister he's never even heard of.

Fletch

My Aunt had almost left Belle Isle to some minister. Obviously at one time he must have touched her deeply. Since she changed her mind I guess he didn't touch her deeply enough. Or in the right place.

Clip 6

TV evangelists. Huh? Yeah. What a crock. Pretending that they have the power to heal and forgive. And all the time looking for money from the weak and gullible.

Farnsworth

Say it aloud so that your soul might be cleansed.

Woman

I'm so ashamed. I slept with my best friend's husband.

Farnsworth

You are forgiven. Praise the Lord.

Audience

[In unison]

Amen.

Woman

And I also slept with my Uncle James.

Farnsworth

You are forgiven, child.

Clip 7

Another monologue, this time about Becky with whom Fletch is infatuated. Her father might be a nut but that won't stop Fletch. Oh no. Absolutely not.

Fletch

It was hard to believe that beautiful Becky was Jimmy Lee Farnsworth's daughter. But I wasn't going to hold it against her. If I was going to hold anything against her, it certainly wouldn't be her father.

Clip 8

Well, who would've believed that TV evangelists receive information from a researcher through a hidden ear-piece?

Researcher

Gordon Joe James.

Farnsworth

[On stage]

Gordon Joe James. Who are you?

Researcher

Gordon Joe lost a limb to a Pit Bull.

Farnsworth

Gordon Joe will you please stand and raise your right hand.

Researcher

LEFT HAND!

Farnsworth

Excuse me, left hand!

Clip 9

Another monologue, explaining how Becky might well be the key to solving the mystery surrounding the murder of the lawyer and all of the foul-play since.

Fletch

Maybe I was wrong about Farnsworth. There was a new player in the game. Becky's unknown client. I had to find out more and the only way to do it was to get into her pants... I mean her car. At least it had brakes. Her car, that is.

Clip 10

The showdown with Hamilton is taking place in the shrine that is his deceased mother's bedroom. Back into a corner, Fletch plays his trump card and ruins a framed photograph of the lady.

Fletch

Bride of Frankenstein!

Hamilton

Put my Momma down.

Fletch

Oh I'm sorry.

[He drops the photograph and the frame glass smashes]

How clumsy of me!

[He steps on the damaged frame and the glass shatters still further]

Whoops! I'm sorry. I stepped right on her moustache.

Hamilton

Get... get away! Get away!