4 MP3 Audio clips from Along Came Polly (2004)

PLAY ALL 4 CLIPS

Clip 1

Sandy Lyle has invited Reuben to a party and having met Polly after so long apart, Reuben is in no hurry to leave. Unlike Sandy, who's in real trouble.

Sandy

Hey, Reuben I'm in a situation here and we have to leave now.

Reuben

Well, no... can we stay a couple more minutes?

Sandy

Hey, Dude. No. This is serious. I just sharted.

Reuben

I've no idea what that means.

Sandy

I tried to fart and a little sh*t came out. I just sharted. Now let's go.

Clip 2

Getting relationship advice from Sandy is like getting advice on haircuts from Donald Trump. You know what I mean? Just listen to this...

Sandy

You know, I doubt it'll get this far but if she turns out to be easier than I thought... there's somethin' you need to know.

Reuben

I'm not a virgin, Sandy.

Sandy

No, not technically but times have changed since you were last single. Now listen. When I'm making out with a girl for the first time, I like to give her a little spankin'.

Reuben

What?

Sandy

Nothing violent. You just tap her, real light right on the tooshie and say, "Hey, I'm your Daddy. I'm your Daddy." Listen to me. Don't be shy. It's just a little tap. It's like saying, "Boop! I'm your Daddy."

Reuben

I'm not going to tap her.

Sandy

Brings 'em right back to childhood. Trust me, they're putty in your hands after that.

[Film Funnies does not condone nor endorse "tapping" girls on the "tooshie" or, for that matter, anywhere else on their bodies. This is really bad advice. You have been warned!]

Clip 3

If only Reuben had paid more attention in Spanish class he'd know that no estás actually means you're not. But still, I guess we should give him points for trying.

Reuben

You know what? Actually, me no estás too good, Javier. I want you to stay away from Polly. All right? Find yourself another dance partner.

Javier

Why?

Reuben

Why? Because she and I are a couple. All right? Yeah. We're dating. I'm not gonna let some big-shot Salsa king sweep in with your mambo moves and your Erik Estrada look and come in and try to take her away. Because I've had that happen before and it's not going to happen again.

Javier

Reuben, I'm gay.

Reuben

Hey, I don't care what... you what?

Javier

I am homosexual. My boyfriend, Hector he plays the keyboards in the house band.

Reuben

Oh.

[Long pause whilst this information sinks in]

Hey, you think maybe you could give me some Salsa lessons?

Clip 4

Lisa has high-hopes of reconciliation. Lisa is deluded. She's about to find out just how deluded she's been. In front of Reuben's parents. And Sandy. Ouch!

Lisa

So, Reuby? We gonna grab a bite after your work thingamajiggy?

Reuben

No, Lisa. I shouldn't have asked you to come down here. I'm not getting back together with you.

Lisa

What are you talking about? W... why?

Reuben

Why?! You screwed a Scuba diving instructor on our honeymoon. I mean, what kind of cold, heart-less b**ch would do that to someone they love? I'd have to be an idiot to get back together with you after that.