17 MP3 Audio clips from Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy (2004)

PLAY ALL 17 CLIPS

Clip 1

A child's first word is a wonderous and magical thing. Usually it's "Mama" or "Dada" but in the 1970's it was more likely to be "Ron Burgundy"

Baby Girl

Ron Burgundy!

Mother

[Excited]

Oh my God, she said her first words!

Clip 2

Brian Fantana needs no introductions. He's the stylish one of the group. And he's named his penis AND both of his testicles. As you're about to find out. Ladies... form an orderly queue!

Brian

People call me the Bri-Man. I'm the stylish one of the group. I know what you're asking yourself and the answer is yes. I have a nickname for my penis. It's called the Octagon. But I also nicknamed my testes. My left one is James Westfall and my right one is Doctor Kenneth Noisewater. You ladies play your cards rights, you just might get to meet the whole gang.

Clip 3

Ron has spotted Veronica across the garden at a party. He just feels compelled to go over and tell her something. Something really creepy. Something pretty certain NOT to get him laid.

Ron

Hello.

Veronica

Hello.

Ron

Hope I'm not disturbing you but, uh... I saw you from across the party and... I don't usually do this but... I felt compelled to tell you something. You have an absolutely breathtaking heinie. I mean that thing's good. I wanna be friends with it.

Veronica

Well, you certainly know how to compliment a woman. Now if you'll excuse me...

Clip 4

Ron speaks to his dog. And yes, we ALL do that. But not like Ron does. No. Ron has whole conversations with his dog and he pretends that he can understand every noise that his dog makes.

Ron

There he is! There's my little man. You okay? Uh, of course I met a lady tonight. This one was different. I have to be honest. Quite different. Wha... I'm lonely? I'm not lonely! I've been loved by everyone in San Diego. Wow. You know how to cut to the core of me, Baxter. You're so wise. You're like a miniature Buddha. Covered in hair. Come again? You know I don't speak Spanish. In English please. Huh?! You pooped in the refrigerator? And you ate the whole wheel of cheese? How did you do that? It's actually... I'm not even mad. That's amazing.

[Laughs]

I forgive you!

Clip 5

Ed Harken has broken the news that Veronica is joining the Channel 4 Evening News team. The boys aren't happy about it. They're not happy about it at all.

Champ

I mean come on, Ed. It's bull crap! Now don't get me wrong... I love the ladies. I mean they rev my engine. But they don't belong in a newsroom. It is ANCHOR MAN, not ANCHOR LADY and THAT IS A SCIENTIFIC FACT!

Brick

I DON'T KNOW WHAT WE'RE YELLING ABOUT!

Champ

You're with us, Ron. What do you think?

Ron

IT'S TERRIBLE. SHE HAS BEAUTIFUL EYES AND HER HAIR SMELLS LIKE CINNAMON.

Champ

Mm hmm.

Brick

LOUD NOISES!

Ed

All right, everyone relax. She's not gonna take anyone's air time.

Brick

I read somewhere that their periods attract bears. The bears can smell the menstruation.

Brian

Well that's just great. You hear that, Ed? Bears. Now you're putting the whole station in jeopardy.

Clip 6

Ed Harken is on the phone. We hear only one side of the conversation. It's not going well. He's basically accusing a nun of watching hardcore German pornography. Yeah. That.

Ed

Right but I think my son is just going through a phase. I have no idea where he would have gotten hold of German pornography. But you and I are mature adults. We've both seen our fair share of pornographic materials. Oh, you never have? Of course you haven't. How stupid of me. Neither have I. I was just speaking in generalities. Right, I'll stop by the school a little later, Sister Margaret. Bye.

Clip 7

Brian is making a move on Veronica. He opens a hidden cupboard loaded with colognes. She gets a special one.

Brian

No. She gets a special cologne. It's called Sex Panther. By Odeon.

[The bottle rises from a wooden case with dry ice and the sound of a roaring panther]

It's illegal in nine countries. Yep, it's made with bits of real panther so you know it's good.

Ron

It's quite pungent.

Brian

Oh yeah.

Ron

Oh it's a formidable scent. Stings the nostrils. In a good way. Yep, Brian... I'm gonna be honest with you. That smells like pure gasoline.

Brian

They've done studies, you know. Sixty percent of the time it works every time.

Ron

That doesn't make sense!

Clip 8

Sex Panther (by Odeon) is not having the desired effect. In fact, it's making the entire newsroom gag. And you should hear what they liken the smell to...

Veronica

My God...

[Sniffs]

What is that smell? Oh!

Brian

That's the smell of desire, m'lady.

Veronica

God, no... it smells like... like a used diaper filled with Indian food. Oh! Excuse me...

Brian

You know desire smells like that to some people.

Man

What is that? It smells like a turd covered in burnt hair.

Woman

Smells like Bigfoot's d*ck!

[The whole office begin to gag and scream as the full effect of Sex Panther (by Odeon) is felt]

Clip 9

When your penis begins to misbehave, it's probably better that you or a male friend notice first. But when a woman notices? That's just creepy.

Veronica

Mister Burgundy, you have a massive erection.

Ron

Really? Yes. I do. Umm, I'm sorry. It's the... it's the pleats!

Clip 10

Ron has driven Veronica to a look-out spot overlooking San Diego. He's trying to be romantic. But he comes off as more of a d*ck to be honest.

Ron

San Diego! Mmmmm. Drink it in! It always goes down smooth.

[Laughs]

Veronica

What a beautiful view, Mr. Burgundy.

Ron

I know. I love this city. It's... it's a fact... it's the greatest city in the history of mankind. Discovered by the Germans in 1904. They named it San Diego. Which, of course, in German means "a whale's vagina."

Veronica

No, there's no way that's correct.

Clip 11

Ron and Veronica, against all odds, have shared a moment of passion. They've made love and in the blissful moment following their union, she spells out how they should proceed professionally.

Veronica

No, I was saying that... if we continue seeing each other, that... we should keep it relatively quiet around the station.

Ron

Absolutely.

[Dissolve to the newsroom. RON is in ED'S office, visible through the glass wall]

VERONICA CORNINGSTONE AND I HAD SEX AND NOW WE ARE IN LOVE!

[To BRIAN]

Did I say that loud?

Brian

Yeah, you pretty much yelled it.

Clip 12

If, like me, you always wondered why people wore t-shirts with "I Love Lamp" on them, here's why. Brick. He's a retard.

Brick

I love... carpet. I love... desk.

Ron

Brick, are you just looking at things in the office and saying that you love them?

Brick

I love lamp.

Ron

Do you really love the lamp or are you saying it because you saw it?

Brick

I love lamp. I love lamp.

Clip 13

Ron is indisposed. They need someone to fill in for him. Be anchor on tonight's news. Veronica is ready. She's determined. She's feisty.

Veronica

Now... I am gonna go on and if you wanna try and stop me... bring it on. Because I am good at three things. Fighting, screwing and readin' the news. Now I've already done one of those today so what's the other one gonna be? Huh?

Ed

Screwing?

[VERONICA slaps ED in the face, pushes his colleague over and storms out of the newsroom]

Clip 14

You ever wondered what a news anchor and co-anchor are saying to each other as the credits roll? Well, wonder no more...

Ron

Huh. You're a real hooker. And I'm gonna slap you in public.

Veronica

[Laughs]

You have man boobs.

Ron

You've got a dirty, whorish mouth. That's what you have. I'm gonna punch you in the ovary. That's what I'm gonna do. Straight shot.

Veronica

Ooh! Ow.

Ron

Right into the babymaker.

Veronica

Uhhh... jazz flute is for little fairy boys.

Ron

Okay, you know what? That's uncalled for. I can't work with this woman. That's terrible.

Clip 15

Ron Burgundy will read anything that's put on a teleprompter. And Veronica is intent on exploiting that weakness and using it to her advantage.

Helen

I have some information that you can choose to use or not use... up to you. Ron Burgundy... will read anything that is put on that teleprompter.

[Cut to the close of the following evening's six o'clock news programme]

Veronica

From the entire Channel 4 news team, I'm Veronica Corningstone.

Ron

And I'm Ron Burgundy. Go fu*k yourselves, San Diego.

[Screams]

Clip 16

Who doesn't want Ron Burgundy saying this whenever you receive a text message?!

Ron

Go fu*k yourselves, San Diego!

Clip 17

Brick loves lamp. And we're really hoping that you'll love this message tone!

Brick

I love lamp!