Big Mouth | Season 4
© 2017 Danger Goldberg Productions
Nick Kroll and Andrew Goldberg, the show's co-creators allegedly based much of this on real incidents from their own adolescences. Much as I'd LOVE that to be true, I seriously doubt that anyone's teenage years could have been this fucked up! Big Mouth explores puberty, hormones, erections, periods, nocturnal emissions... all in hilarious cartoon form!
UPDATED: | CLIPS: 56
WARNING: ADULT CONTENT!
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Clip 1 S04 E01: "The New Me" |
Puberty is a b**ch. Especially when, for no apparent reason, you start to develop hairy nipples. I mean what's the purpose of that? To keep them warm? |
Jessi |
Maybe I'll finally learn how to pluck my - |
Connie |
Your nipple hairs? |
Jessi |
I was going to say eyebrows. You noticed them? |
Connie |
The thing is, your nipple hairs are black but the rest of your hairs are red. |
Clip 2 S04 E01: "The New Me" |
Gabe used to be Natalie. He's transgendered and now uses she/her pronouns. But this is lost on the boys at camp who are full of inappropriate questions. |
Boy |
Do you pee standing up or lying down? |
Natalie |
What the fu*k? Do you pee lying down? |
Seth |
Okay, you know what, everyone? I'm just gonna ask the thing that we're all thinking but not asking. What does your crotch look like? |
Boy |
That was my question. |
Boy |
Thank you! |
Seth |
I know. Someone had to. |
Mosquito |
Oh, God... this is a disaster. But don't cry. They'll think you're weak and then they'll pounce! |
Natalie |
My crotch looks like the back of your mom's head while she's slurping me off. |
Seth |
But what is my mom slurping off? |
Boy |
Please... just tell us if you have a d*ck. |
Milk |
Your buttocks remain the same, correct? |
Natalie |
Shut the fu*k up, Milk. Shut the fu*k up, all of you. Eat my fu*king a**hole. |
[Natalie runs out of the cabin] |
Harry |
Well, then. That went terribly. But at least I've come out unscathed. |
Clip 3 S04 E01: "The New Me" |
Barbara doesn't agree with Marty's decision to send Andrew to Summer Camp. She's your average neurotic, over-protective mother. And Andrew isn't happy about the situation, either. |
Barbara |
Bye, sweetie. Don't try anything. |
[Marty hits the gas and Andrew watches in horror as his parents speed away] |
Andrew |
Wait! No! Don't leave me here. I'll put the screens on the house with you. I'll do anything. I'll suck your d*ck. |
Maurice |
Whoa, whoa, whoa, Andrew... you gotta talk to me before you offer to blow your dad. There's a form you have to fill out, buddy. |
Clip 4 S04 E01: "The New Me" |
In the dictionary, under Gross (adj.), it says simply... see this. |
Nick |
Look, guys... I think we can all agree you're both pretty gross. |
Seth |
Well, if sending your cousin a picture of your girthy hog is gross, then I am twenty-six times gross. |
Andrew |
I also sent my cousin a d*ck pic. |
Seth |
Technically, it was my aunt. But... she was one of those young aunts... |
Andrew |
Oh, a young aunt. Sounds like your grandma stayed fertile for a long time. |
Clip 5 S04 E01: "The New Me" |
Nick is upset. Mainly because Andrew seems to have inherited a habit from Seth of flashing his scrotum. Which is enough to upset most people, I would suggest. |
Maurice |
Yeah... wah-wah! Run away you back-stabbing b**ch baby. |
Connie |
SHUT UP, MAURY! YOU FU*KING - |
[She kicks Maurice in the ass and one of her skis becomes lodged in there] |
- A**HOLE! |
Maurice |
OH! That feels good. Stick the other one in and pry me open. |
Connie |
I hate that you like this but it's the only way to get my skis - |
[She kicks him in the ass with the other foot and, sure enough, loses her other ski] |
- off! |
Maurice |
Ooh! My proctologist is never gonna believe I didn't do this to myself. |
Clip 6 S04 E02: "The Hugest Period Ever" |
Natalie, for fairly obvious reasons, is excused from swimming. And I don't think I really need to explain why. It would be like Hammy the Hamster after a big meal down there, huh? |
Staff |
Get changed for waterfront, girls. Let's go. Bathing suits. |
Natalie |
Ummm... I don't have to do swimming. Didn't you read the detailed e-mail from my mom, you bald fu*k? |
Staff |
The one that started, Dear Bald Fu*k? Yes. I did. You and your mom are both very mean. That said, you don't have to go swimming. Glaser, put on your bathing suit. |
Clip 7 S04 E02: "The Hugest Period Ever" |
Nick hasn't showered since he arrived at camp. Because he's too ashamed of his penis and can't bear the thought of the other boys seeing it and making jokes about shrimps. Or something. |
Nick |
Urgh. I feel so gross from not showering. |
Connie |
Urgh, you smell like a fart farted. |
Boys |
[Begin sniffing the air] |
Clip 8 S04 E03: "Poop Madness" |
Andrew hasn't taken a dump for days. Or perhaps weeks. Because he has an aversion to communal facilities. And, for this reason, he's backed up like the Suez Canal. Bit of current affairs satire for you! |
Andrew |
Maury, what's happening to me? |
Maurice |
Well, you're hallucinating, you have cramps, it's been a month since you - |
[He gasps in horror] |
- wait a second! Step into my office. |
[INT: A room at Camp Mohegan has become a doctor's office. Maury is the doctor and he's sounding Andrew's stomach with a stethoscope] |
Okay, fart. |
[Andrew farts] |
Fart again. |
[Andrew farts] |
Okay, big, wet fart. |
[Andrew flat-out sh*ts himself] |
Oh no. It's just as I feared. |
Andrew |
What is it? You can tell me. Is it AIDS? |
Maurice |
Oh Andrew. You're suffering from... POOP MADNESS! |
Andrew |
[Screams] |
Poop Madness?! |
Clip 9 S04 E04: "Cafeteria Girls" |
Missy's new look is causing quite the stir. Gone are the childish, frumpy dungarees and in are the jeans, crop top and braided hair. |
Andrew |
All the girls in our grade are taken. |
Maurice |
Not all of them. What about that new girl? |
[The new girl is, in fact, Missie who has had a total make-over during the summer break] |
Andrew |
Ooh! New girl? |
Nick |
Whoa! |
Andrew |
Oh my God. Is that... Missy? |
Maurice |
Mmmmmm. And you can see her yummy tummy. Andy likey... |
Andrew |
God, I bet her belly-button smells insane. |
Nick |
Hey, Missy. Love the new look. |
Andrew |
Yeah, it's fu*kin' fantastic. |
Missy |
Well, fellas... this actually is not for you. So avert your male gaze and keep you comments to yourself. And do not touch my hair with your eyes. |
Maurice |
Okay... well how about him touching the inside of your mouth with his penis? |
Nick |
Well, it's official. There's no-one left in our grade to go out with. |
Clip 10 S04 E04: "Cafeteria Girls" |
I don't believe that context is necessary for this. The visual image is funny enough. Oh, sure... it's gross but it's also strangely amusing. Right? No? Oh. Just me then. |
Connie |
Why'd you lie, Jessi? You can't do the splits. Your tampon would shoot out like a Nerf™ dart. |
Clip 11 S04 E05: "A Very Special 9/11 Episode" |
DeVon and Missy have become quite close. Of course, DeVon is still technically married to Devin. And I say technically because they're both twelve years old for fu*k's sake! |
Missy |
Oh, maybe my old look was more me. |
DeVon |
Hey Missy. |
Missy |
Oh, hey, DeVon. |
DeVon |
Look... I'm sorry Devin said that stupid sh*t about your hair on the bus. |
Missy |
Yah, it was not, uh... one hundred. |
DeVon |
Sure. One hundred. |
Missy |
It's just that I'm really struggling with my racial identity right now. My mom's white, my dad's black, I'm voiced by a white actress who's thirty-seven years old. Yeah. It's all very overwhelming. |
DeVon |
Yeah, I hear that. |
Clip 12 S04 E05: "A Very Special 9/11 Episode" |
Michael Angelo is Jessi's new boyfriend. He's a bohemian pavement artist who Nick absolutely detests. Andrew's feelings are, apparently, the polar opposite, however. |
Andrew |
So... is that a sheep or... is it a cloud? E... either way, it's... genuis. |
Michael Angelo |
Stop! Stop right there! You're perfect. |
Andrew |
[Giggles coquettishly] |
Michael Angelo |
And you know it, too, don't you? |
Andrew |
You're gonna paint me? |
Michael Angelo |
Yeah. |
Andrew |
Like a French whore? Well, should I take my shirt off? |
Maurice |
YES! You'll be his muse. |
Andrew |
Oh... monsieur! |
Maurice |
Lay naked on a silk sheet, eating papaya. |
Andrew |
Oh, yeah! And I'll still be wearing my socks. |
Clip 13 S04 E05: "A Very Special 9/11 Episode" |
Mona is inappropriate. I mean, really inappropriate. If being inappropriate were an Olympic sport, she'd win gold every time. She's that inappropriate. |
DeVon |
You know... being a fake version of myself is definitely corny. |
Missy |
Yeah but don't be hard on yourself. Sometimes you have to code-switch for safety or to get ahead in this honky town. |
DeVon |
[Chuckles] |
I fu*k with the new Missy. |
Mona |
Really? |
DeVon |
You know, I just... I just wish I could be myself around my friends more. |
Missy |
You can always be yourself around me. |
DeVon |
Aww, thanks Missy. |
Mona |
Grab him and stick your tongue down his throat. Let's turn Ground Zero into... Pound Zero. |
Missy |
Wow... you are so inappropriate. |
Mona |
That's my job. |
Missy |
And besides, I like DeVon being my friend. |
Mona |
But he's the coolest boy in school. And did you see his hot little nipples in the Wakanda sequence? |
Missy |
Mona... you know I did. But he's a married man. |
Mona |
Mmm hmm. So was Robert Plant when he took my virginity. |
Clip 14 S04 E05: "A Very Special 9/11 Episode" |
Breaking up is hard to do. Connie has been Nick's Hormone Monster since the earliest onset of puberty. But she needs to move on. It's not him. It's her. |
Connie |
Hey, Nick? Can we talk? |
Nick |
About what? How hot and cool and mysterious Michael Angelo is? |
Connie |
No, honey. We need to talk about us. |
Nick |
Oh - fine. Let's just do it on the bus. |
Connie |
I'm not getting on the bus, sweetie. |
Nick |
Why? Because it smells like BO and jizz? |
Connie |
No. Those are my favourite smells. You know that. |
Clip 15 S04 E06: "Nick Starr" |
It's 2052. The year, not the time... obviously. Nick Birch has become Nick Starr, host of the gameshow Countdown to Money and there's no easy way to say this... Nick Starr is an asswipe. |
V/O |
Sit tight or shake your booty. 'Cause it's time to - |
Audience |
Countdown to Money with Nick Starr! |
Nick Starr |
NÄ hăo! Welcome back to Countdown to Money where the poor and desperate humiliate themselves for the chance to receive basic human services! |
Audience Member |
I haven't peed in weeks. |
Nick Starr |
That's right. Nowadays, you have to pay to pee! But not right now because it's time to play our next game... |
Audience |
Fu*k Your Brother! |
Nick Starr |
Danny and Jerry Lynch. Tell us why you're here. |
Danny |
Well, our mom has cancer and medical insurance doesn't exist anymore. |
Jerry |
Plus, we love the show! |
Nick Starr |
And have you thought about who's going to fu*k whom? |
Danny |
Well, I've got the tinier d*ck so... our family agreed it should be me. |
Audience |
[Booing] |
Audience Member |
We want the big d*ck. |
Nick Starr |
Oh, ho! Lynch brothers, you heard 'em. They want the bigger d*ck. But first, a word from our sponsor. |
V/O |
Do you find physical and emotional intimacy with others impossible? |
Nick Starr |
Oh, yeah. |
V/O |
Well, what if orgasms came in a can? |
Nick Starr |
[Inhales from a can] |
Oh, YEAH! |
With instant orgasm inducer, Ohyeah, I can cum whenever I want without the hassle of dealing with other people or even myself. |
[Inhales from a can] |
Oh, fu*k yeah! |
Jingle |
♪ |
Easy quick squirt, it's Ohyeah. |
Clip 16 S04 E06: "Nick Starr" |
In a dystopian future, hover cars and hungry, rampaging mobs are commonplace. Nick Starr isn't used to the latter and having been surrounded, orders his robot A-3 to act. |
Nick Starr |
Do something, A-3. Fly out of here! |
A-3 |
Flying mode is prohibited because of the mosquitoes. |
Nick Starr |
Enough of this PC culture... just do it, man. |
[The car lifts off and climbs through the green clouds that shroud the city] |
Oh my! Those black clouds are blocking the sun. |
A-3 |
Those are not black clouds. |
Nick Starr |
Sorry. African-American clouds. |
A-3 |
No, Nick. Those are the mosquitoes. |
Nick Starr |
Well, who's the racist now? |
[Mosquitoes begin splatting against the windshield and A-3 who sits atop the vehicle] |
Nick Starr |
Oh my God, this is disgusting. |
Alarm |
Fu*k! Fu*k! Fu*k! Fu*k! |
A-3 |
Prepare for emergency landing. |
Nick Starr |
WHOOOOOAAAAH! My cold brew... |
Clip 17 S04 E06: "Nick Starr" |
This scene is pretty moving. Right up until Diane mentions Jay giving both she and her husband the "deep-d*cking of their lives." Yeah. Not great in retrospect. |
Nick Starr |
Elliot... Diane... |
Diane |
Yo. |
Nick Starr |
What if the world was ending but only one of you could survive? What would you do? |
Diane |
Oh... is this one of your Countdown to Something games? |
Elliot |
We only watched the first season. |
Nick Starr |
No. It's a real question. |
Elliot |
I would gladly sacrifice myself for your mother. |
Diane |
Oh, Elliot. You wouldn't need to because I would never leave you. |
Nick Starr |
I see. |
Elliot |
We had this very conversation last night. |
Diane |
Right before Jay gave us the deep-d*cking of our lives. |
Elliot |
It's true. Your mother got a nosebleed. |
Clip 18 S04 E06: "Nick Starr" |
Telling a woman that she looks like a mom is not a form of flattery. Nick Starr's lucky to have retained his balls having come out with this social monstrosity. |
Nick Starr |
Hello. I'm Nick Starr. |
Gina |
I know, Nick. It's me... Gina? |
Nick Starr |
Gina! You look like a mom. |
Gina |
That's because I am a mom. |
Nick Starr |
Yeah, I can see that. |
Gina |
[Under her breath] |
Mother fu*ker! |
Well, uh... I'm gonna go get us some seats but, Nick... it's been nice to look into your dead eyes and see nothing but profound loniliness. |
Nick Starr |
Oh, well... thanks for watching. |
Clip 19 S04 E06: "Nick Starr" |
Nick Starr has a plus one for the ark which is going to take a select few human survivors from a doomed Earth. He's hoping Jessi will go along for the ride. And for the journey. Ahem. |
Nick Starr |
Jessi... what if it could be different now? What if I told you everything was about to change? |
Jessi |
What are you talking about? |
Nick Starr |
Look, I didn't come here for Missy's funeral. I came here to see you. |
Jessi |
Really? |
Nick Starr |
The world is ending, Jessi. |
Jessi |
Yeah. No sh*t. Why do you think I shaved my head? |
Nick Starr |
No. Like... today. Fu*king ASAP. The Earth's core is about to explode. |
Jessi |
Oh my God. |
Nick Starr |
But I have a way for you and I to survive. You just have to let me stick this pill up your butt. |
Jessi |
I've fallen for that before - |
Nick Starr |
I'm not joking around, Jessi. |
Clip 20 S04 E08: "The Funeral" |
Andrew Glouberman has a set routine for... um... spanking his monkey, if you catch my drift. The ingredients for this method are beyond weird. They're warped. The kid is one sick puppy. |
Andrew |
Maternity catalogue... |
Maurice |
A tissue, two, three, four. |
Andrew |
This is it. I can feel it in my tight, smooth sac. We're gonna get through the method this time. |
Maurice |
Stay focussed. I can't stay up all night. I'm getting my hair pubed in the morning. |
Andrew |
You're getting your hair pubed? |
Maurice |
Carlo is opening early for me. |
Andrew |
That sounds like a funny thing for somebody to - |
Maurice |
ANDREW! FOCUS! |
Andrew |
Okay. Tissue one. |
Maurice |
Two... |
Andrew |
Three. Oh, fu*k! I ripped it! |
Maurice |
It's fine. A ripped tissue still holds jizz. It says so on the bottom of every box of Puffsâ„¢ |
Tito |
No, no, NO! The tissues have to be perfect to hold his huge amounts of icky-sticky. |
Maurice |
Oh, here we go! |
Andrew |
Yeah, I... I should start over. |
Maurice |
This is madness. You desperately need to jack that stack. |
Andrew |
I know. |
Maurice |
It's the only way to relieve your stress and anxiety. |
Andrew |
I feel like I'm gonna have a juvenile heart attack. |
Maurice |
So masturbate! |
Tito |
No! Last time you yanked your sick little chode without the Glouberman method, you killed your grandfather. |
Andrew |
Tito's right. I'm just gonna go to sleep. |
Maurice |
What?! You've never gone to bed without jerking off. And I don't respond well to change. |
Andrew |
We can try again in the morning. |
Maurice |
In the morning? That's when I'm getting my hair pubed. And believe me, the audience wants to see what that is. |
[Breaking the fourth wall in a homage to Howard Beale] |
YOU! YOU AT HOME! GET UP OUT OF YOUR CHAIRS! SAY IT. "I'M MAD AS HELL THAT MAURY MIGHT NOT GET HIS HAIR PUBED! AND I'M NOT GOING TO TAKE THIS ANY MORE!" |
Clip 21 S04 E08: "The Funeral" |
Matthew's mother, Kimberly, has elected to involve his little sister, Britney in her bake-off this year. Because, of all things, he's gay. I mean, really? What does his sexuality have to do it? |
Britney |
Look, Matthew! I'm macerating the flour. |
Matthew |
Oh! Is... Britney helping us today? |
Kimberly |
I asked your sister to do the bake-off with me this year. Honey... you wanna lick the spoon? |
[Britney takes the spoon and begins the lick the cake mix from it] |
Maurice |
She's letting Britney lick the spoon? |
Kimberly |
I figured you'd be too busy with your... new friends. |
Matthew |
Oh, w-well... that's... actually great because I am busy and I'm thrilled to get this time back. |
Maurice |
No you're not. You're crushed! And there's only one person to blame. Fu*king Britney. Britney's such a busted b**ch. She's got, like... no teeth. Like... hello?! Meth-head, please! |
Matthew |
Maury, she's seven. |
Maurice |
Yeah, she might be seven but let's be honest, Matt. She's a fu*king three. |
Clip 22 S04 E08: "The Funeral" |
It's the big day. The Bake Off. And Matthew and his... friend are competing against Matthew's mother who's not impressed with their effort. Or their relationship to be honest. The homophobe. |
Kimberly |
Oh! Well, that doesn't look like a cake. |
Aiden |
We made cake pops. |
Maurice |
And I made my famous Swiss Roll. The filling has been in my family's nut sacks for generations. |
Clip 23 S04 E08: "The Funeral" |
The Shame Wizard has shown up to the funeral of Andrew's grandfather. Whose corpse Andrew has just masturbated in front of. Long story. No desire to explain. Too disgusting. |
Shame Wizard |
Andrew! You've outdone yourself this time. |
Andrew |
[Crying] |
I know. I'm disgusting. I killed my grandpa. |
Shame Wizard |
And then you jacked off in front of his corpse. |
Andrew |
You sound almost proud of me. |
Shame Wizard |
Andrew, I work with many loathsome creeps but none as consistently wretched as you. |
Andrew |
... thank you? |
Shame Wizard |
No. Thank you! |
Clip 24 S04 E08: "The Funeral" |
Metaphors. Specifically, metaphors for sex. That's how Kimberly chooses to address her son's sexuality. Baking is... well, you know... and as for cakes... yeah. Babies. Behold... |
Matthew |
Mom! So... you're just gonna leave without saying goodbye? |
Kimberly |
I'm sorry. I can't... Maybe I'm old fashioned but I just don't think two boys should be baking together. |
Matthew |
Mom, didn't you always know that I would end up baking with a boy? |
Kimberly |
No... you're choosing to bake with boys. You don't have to. You could make a beautiful cake with a woman. |
Matthew |
Oh, mom! I'm not to going to make a cake with a woman. Ever! I don't like the ingredients. I don't understand the utensils. Nothing would rise. |
Kimberly |
I do not like this metaphor any more, Matthew. |
Matthew |
Okay. |
Clip 25 S04 E09: "Horrority House" |
It's Halloween. The doorbell rings at the Glouberman house and Marty opens the door to greet the Trick or Treaters. |
Kids |
Trick or treat! |
Marty |
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know. TREAT! Here's an unwearable v-necked undershirt for you. A tiny conditioner from Courtyard by Marriott and for you... a charger from my old Palm Pilot. Now scram. I've already called the cops. |
[As Marty slams the door in the bemused and disappointed faces of the children, a patrol car pulls up, blipping its siren] |
Clip 26 S04 E10: "What Are You Gonna Do?" |
Jay is bisexual. But I THINK his bisexuality only applies to pillows and cushions. Because Jay... loves soft furnishings. He loves them all night long! |
Male Cushion |
Hell yeah! I'm getting hot just thinking about your hanging flapper resting on my chin. |
Jay |
Hang on - |
Male Cushion |
I wanna blow your Greek penis. |
Female Cushion |
Oh... LORD! Me too. I want you to bang me so hard I get Bell's palsy. |
Jay |
Wow! |
Clip 27 S04 E10: "What Are You Gonna Do?" |
Maurice can be subtle. He can be calm. But today he's decided that in order to heal the relationship between Matthew and his mother, slightly more stringent action is required. |
Matthew |
Oh, Maury. What do I do? |
Maurice |
Matthew, step out of the room. I'm gonna have a word alone with your mother. |
[Matthew leaves the room whereupon we hear Maurice smashing stuff up as he shouts] |
Maurice |
ARE YOU FU*KING KIDDING ME, KIM? YOU'VE GOT THE BEST GODDAMED KID IN THE GAME. SO GET THE FU*K ON BOARD BEFORE YOU LOSE HIM. |