13 MP3 Audio clips from Wayne's World 2 (1993)

PLAY ALL 13 CLIPS

Clip 1

Wayne and Garth are introducing their public access cable show Wayne's World. But there have been some complicated scheduling changes. As you're about to find out.

Wayne

Okay, you've probably noticed by now that we're on a little early tonight.

Garth

Usually at this time on Aurora Cable you're watching Plant World.

Wayne

But they didn't want our ten thirty time slot. But, we were able to talk Plant World into changing with Cooking World.

Garth

Although they didn't want to change at first.

Wayne

But, fortunately, White Supremacy World was cancelled and all the trades worked out.

Clip 2

Mikita's has a policy. If they get your order wrong, you eat for free. Time, therefore, to play a little game with the guy on the other end of the drive-thru order system.

Server

Welcome to Mikita's. How may I serve you?

Wayne

Uh, yes... uh, I'd like...

[WAYNE begins to speak as though the microphone is cutting out intermittently]

Garth

Yes and could I please have...

[GARTH also begins to speak as though the microphone is faulty]

Server

What?

Wayne

Oh, uh... uh, I'm sorry...

[Once again, WAYNE speaks as though there's a fault with the intercom system]

Server

Oh, well let me try to re-cap the order. A crawler, two sugar pucks, a Stanley Cup, a large coffee with cream, a raspberry jelly donut, an orange drink and a box of five-holes.

Wayne

[Taken aback by the accuracy of the server's read-back]

Yeah.

Server

Thank you. Drive around please.

Clip 3

What Wayne and Garth really need is an experienced groupie. Someone who's been there, seen it, done it and got the t-shirt. And that someone is none other than (the entirely fictional) Del Preston.

Del

I'm just an old geezer. I mean, what do I know about music today? When I was working it was all bands like Eric Clapton and The Rolling Stones. I mean, it's not like The Grateful Dead are still together and touring, is it?

Garth

Well... actually, they...

Wayne

Garth... shhhhhh-shhhhhh.

Garth

Wow! Look at this scrapbook. That's you with Led Zepellin.

Del

Yeah. My old lady put that together. We must have toured every concert hall and venue in America. Me, my old lady and the road.

Wayne

Is that you and Bob Dylan?

Del

Yeah.

Wayne

Who's the old lady?

Del

That's my old lady!

Clip 4

Del Preston has so many stories. But he seems to get hung up on the same ones, over and over. Perhaps it's the effect of serious drug taking throughout his career as a roadie.

Del

And there I am in Sri Lanka... formerly Ceylon, at three o'clock in the morning, looking for one thousand brown M&M's to fill a brandy glass or Ozzie wouldn't go on stage that night. So... Jeff Beck pops his head round the door and mentions there's a little sweet shop on the edge of town. So... we go. And... it's closed. So there's me and Keith Moon and David Crosby breaking into this little sweet shop, right? Well, instead of a guard dog, they've got this bloody great big Bengal Tiger. Well, I managed to take out the tiger with a can of mace but the shop owner and his son... that's a different story altogether. I had to beat them to death with their own shoes!

Clip 5

Glen is still the manager of Mikita's. And he's still crazy. A first-class, window-licking, basket-weaving lunatic.

Glen

So, Wayne. I hear you're putting on some kind of concert. That's good. People need to be entertained. They need the distraction. I wish to God that somebody would do something to block out the voices in my head for five minutes. The voices that scream, over and over. Why do they come to me to die? Why do they come to me to die?

Clip 6

Garth and I have one thing in common. We both share an opinion of Kenny G. We both associate his music with the ordeal of having root canal surgery whilst conscious and un-anaesthetised.

Garth

Well, what's wrong with a little entertainment?

Jerry Segel

Entertainment... is fine. But this, I... you know, we have lots of big acts that come through here. Ice Capades, Tiny Toons, Kenny G...

Garth

[Horrified]

Kenny G?

[We cut to the audience at a Kenny G concert, in the centre of which sits GARTH, in a dentist chair, having his teeth drilled without anaesthetic]

Clip 7

You remember the series Monkey, right? How it was ludicrously dubbed into English without any intonation or emotion? Well, this is Stephen Surjik's tribute to that style.

Jeff Wong

Very well... if that is your custom... prepare to die.

[JEFF pulls some singularly impressive acrobatic manoeuvres and ends up beckoning his prospective son-in-law into a fight]

Wayne

I know all seven animal styles. The crane, the stag, the horse, the tiger, the bat, the rat, the monkey... the beatle.

[Editor's Note: This amounts to EIGHT animal styles, which is clearly part of the gag]

[The opening riff of Twist & Shout starts playing and WAYNE mimes drumming in the style of Ringo Starr]

&nbbsp;

I will take you, old man.

[The pair begin to fight]

Clip 8

Wayne has been suspicious of his girlfriend, Cassandra and the time she's been spending with her producer, Bobby. He's presented her with photographs of the two of them together.

Cassandra

Where did these come from?

Wayne

I did a little detective work.

Cassandra

You did spy on me.

Wayne

Yes, I did.

Cassandra

[Sucker punches WAYNE in the face hard enough to knock him down]

[We cut to WAYNE being loaded into an ambulance on a stretcher]

Wayne

I think she took that well!

Clip 9

Garth. He's not very experienced or confident around women. And now he's got Heather Locklear all over him. Literally. She's going to eat him alive.

Heather Locklear

Take me, Garth.

Garth

Where? I'm low on gas and you need a jacket.

Heather Locklear

I'm gonna be frank.

Garth

Okay. Can I still be Garth?

Heather Locklear

Shut up and kiss me.

Clip 10

We all remember that feeling of euphoria the morning after losing our virginity. The way you can suddenly hear bird song and taste the air. No? Just me then. In Garth's case... he becomes Cary Grant.

Garth

Good morning, Darling. I trust you slept well? I hope I wasn't too much of an animal.

Heather Locklear

Come, hold me.

Garth

You know I will!

Clip 11

Del is clearly delusional. Or psychotic. Or both. And, put in charge of front and back stage operations for Waynestock, he has some pretty wild ideas.

Del

To the left and the right of the stage are the machine gun nests. Belt-fed, M60 Brownings. Now, these babies tend to heat up so shoot in three second bursts. In the event of capture, I will personally distribute cyanide capsules to be placed under the tongue like so...

[He lifts his tongue and places a cyanide capsule on his lingual frenulum]

... any questions?

Garth

Uh, yeah... I have a question. When did you turn into a nut bar?

Clip 12

Handsome Dan is a DJ on W-PIG. But he's not handsome. He has a face (and, luckily, a voice) for radio. And he doesn't interview well. He doesn't listen to his guests. He's too distracted.

Handsome Dan

Back with you on W-PIG. Maximum grunt. All right, where our special guests right now... Wayne Campbell, Garth Algar. Wayne's World, Wayne's World, all right. Talkin' about Waynestock. Very exciting, big event, everybody's excited, huh?

Wayne

Uh, yeah, it's gonna be, uh... a big concert at Adlai Stevenson Park.

Handsome Dan

Uh-huh.

Wayne

It's just gonna be a big party, you know?

Handsome Dan

Uh-huh.

Wayne

We got some great bands comin'.

Handsome Dan

Uh-huh.

Garth

Like Aerosmith.

Handsome Dan

Uh-huh.

Wayne

I just wanna remind everybody that there's still plenty of tickets left.

Handsome Dan

Uh-huh.

Garth

But that's no reason to wait 'til the last minute.

Handsome Dan

Uh-huh.

Wayne

Because it's just a chance for the city of Aurora...

Handsome Dan

Hmm-mmm.

Garth

To... do... something...

[Both WAYNE and GARTH have realised that HANDSOME DAN isn't actually listening to what they're saying and is distracted cueing up tracks and continuity cartridges]

Wayne

Fun.

Handsome Dan

Uh-huh.

Wayne

And to put the city on the map.

Handsome Dan

Hmm-mmm.

Garth

It's a lot of work.

Handsome Dan

Oh, well... work is hard.

Wayne

You're not really listening to me, are you?

Handsome Dan

Uh-huh.

Wayne

I mean, I could say anything right now, like... you're a complete tool.

Handsome Dan

Hmm-mmm.

Garth

But you wouldn't hear it... 'cos you're a freak with a microphone.

Handsome Dan

Uh-huh.

Wayne

It's not even challenging any more. It's like shooting fish in a barrel. Isn't that true, sphincter boy?

Handsome Dan

Uh-huh.What? Oh!

[He plays a sound effect of a gunshot and ricochet]

They're gettin' closer all the time. All right. Good information about Wayne Stock. Very exciting. We'll be back with more right after Pig Sports. Right now it's sixteen minutes past the big hour. Is that not right, Mister Scream?

Mister Scream

[Screams. Oddly enough]

Clip 13

Wayne is having a bit of a crisis and he's not very good company. For that reason, the other decide to head of to Mikita's without him.

Wayne

Hey, where you goin'?

Group

Mikita's.

Garth

Yeah, you know... the usual. Are... are you gonna come?

Wayne

No, no, no. You guys go and have fun. I'd probably just end up embarrassing you anyways. No, no. I'm just gonna stay here and lick the cat's butt.

Group

[Hesitantly]

O-kay...