11 MP3 Audio clips from Good Morning, Vietnam (1987)

PLAY ALL 11 CLIPS

Clip 1

Adrian Cronauer has arrived in Vietnam from his previous posting in Greece. He's being driven by Edward Garlick (Forest Whitaker) when he spots a very desirable local girl on the street.

DJ

...Frequency of five hundred and forty and seven hundred and forty...

Cronauer

Jesus, that guy's as boring as whale sh*t.

Garlic

Not really. You see, the purpose is to inform U.S. to the radius of the radio waves.

DJ

...Mantovani...

Cronauer

Mantovani? They play Mantovani to insomniacs who don't respond to strong drugs.

Garlic

The General likes easy-listening. You know, I'm really gonna have to inform -

Cronauer

[Spotting a girl walking along the road]

Mayday! Mayday! Dragon Lady with incredible figure at eleven o'clock. Stop the car.

Garlic

I can't do that, Sir.

Cronauer

Oh, Edward, Edward... you don't understand. I've been on a small Greek island with a lot of women who look like Zorba. I never thought I'd find women attractive ever again. And now that I do, you won't even turn the car around? Thanks a lot.

Garlic

We have a very important meeting with the top brass -

Cronauer

[Exclaims surprise]

There she is again! How did she get ahead of us?

Garlic

That's another person, Sir.

Cronauer

Oh... she's beautiful and quick. Speed up. Check her stamina. This is incredible. Oooh, my God... they're quick, they're fast and small. I feel like a fox in a chicken coop.

Clip 2

This was Cronauer's catchphrase, brought to life in Robin Williams' own inimitable style. And it makes for a perfect message tone. You're welcome!

Cronauer

GOOOOOOOD MORNING, VIETNAM!

Clip 3

Okay, so here's the catchphrase again but this time followed by the first minute or so of Cronauer's first broadcast to the troops. It's improvisation at its best.

Cronauer

GOOOOOOOD MORNING, VIETNAM! Hey, this is not a test. This is rock 'n roll! Time to rock it from the Delta to the DMZ. Is it me or does that sound like an Elvis Presley movie? Viva Danang. Ohhhhh, Viva Danang. Danang me, Danang me why don't they get a rope and hang me?! Hey, is it a little too early for being that loud? Hey, too late! It's oh six hundred. What's the "O" stand for? Oh my God, it's early! Speaking of early, how about that Cro-Magnon, Marty Dreiwitz? Thank you, Marty for silky smooth sound... make me sound like Peggy Lee!

Clip 4

Cronauer is about to play a song by Freddie and the Dreamers which was definitely NOT approved by his superiors. But, in any case, he had the record on the wrong speed.

Cronauer

Freddie and the Dreamers!

[He has the record deck set to 33rpm and, as a result, Freddie sounds like he's been on Mogadon]

Cronauer

The wrong speed. We've got it on the wrong speed. For those of you who are recovering from a hangover, that's gonna sound just right. Let's pull her right back down here... let's try a little faster, see if that picks it up a little bit. Let's get it up on 78...

[From the sublime to the ridiculous, the song now sounds like a performance by The Chipmunks on helium]

Those pilots are going, "I really like the music, I really like the music, I really like the music!" Oh... it's still a bad song. Hey, wait a minute... let's try something. Let's play this backwards and see if it gets any better.

[He pretends to be talking backwards]

Freddie is the devil!

[He pretends to be talking backwards]

Freddie is the devil!

[He gasps in mock astonishment]

Clip 5

Lt. Hauk likes three things. Polka music, comedy (which he's really, really bad at) and acronyms. Yes. Acronyms. He just can't get enough of acronyms.

Lt. Hauk

The former VP will be here on Friday.

Garlic

[Starts laughing]

Lt. Hauk

I expect every minute of the VP's PC to be taped and broadcast within twelve hours of his arrival. SOMETHING FUNNY, GARLIC? THEN, PERHAPS YOU'D LIKE TO SHARE IT WITH THE REST OF US.

Garlic

[Recovering his former composure]

No, Sir. The former Vice-President is a delight, Sir.

Cronauer

Excuse me, Sir. Seeing as how the VP is such a VIP, shouldn't we keep the PC on the QT 'cos if it leaks to the VC, he could end up an MIA and then we'd all be put on KP.

Clip 6

Cronauer has brought Tuan into Jimmy's Bar. Jimmy's Bar is almost exclusively for American servicemen and two of the regular patrons are far from happy about the presence of someone who is Vietnamese.

Cronauer

I gotta tell you something, you know? I've been all around the world... seen a lot of places and a lot of people. I have never, ever in my travels come across a man as large as you... with as much muscles... who has absolutely no penis.

[As if to punctuate this statement, CRONAUER headbutts the offending serviceman in the face and it all kicks off]

Jimmy Wah

He meant that as compliment!

Clip 7

Cronauer had a unique way of presenting the news. Firstly, he didn't have a teletype so he had to make the sound of one. Secondly, he couldn't take any story seriously. He was my kind of DJ.

Cronauer

We're back! Here's the news... all the news that's new and improved by the U.S. Army... the sweetest smelling army in the world.

[He imitates the sound of a teletype machine]

Great Britain recognised the island state of Singapore. How do you recognise an island? Do you go, "Hey, wait... no... don't tell me. Wait... what... didn't we meet last year at the Feinman bar mitzvah? You look a lot like Hawaii. Didn't we meet last year at The Peninsula Club?" No! Pope Paul VI celebrated mass in Italian. Whoa! Call me crazy... he's in Rome. You know, one day I wanna meet him and kiss his ring and have it to go Zzzzzzz! The Mississippi River broke through a protective dyke today. What is a "protective dyke"? Is that a large woman standing by the river going, "Don't go near there." "Now Betty..." "Don't go near there. Get away from the river. Stay away from there!" I know we can't use the word dyke. You can't even say lesbian, it's women in comfortable shoes. Thank you very much!

Clip 8

Cronauer doesn't like Lt. Hauk. Nobody does. Because Lt. Hauk is not a soldier. He's an officer. A pen-pusher. A politician. And most of all, he's a jobsworth.

Cronauer

In the dictionary, under a**hole, it says see him!

Clip 9

Lt. Hauk and Sgt. Major Dickerson have managed to suspend Cronauer's show. Which hasn't gone down well with the troops who are writing in their droves to have him reinstated.

Gen. Taylor

I think I see a pattern forming here.

Marty Dreiwitz

Sir, these letters are unequivocal. e.g. "Hey, Hauk! Eat a bag of sh*t. You suck!" That's pretty much to the point, Sir. Not much grey area in this one.

Garlic

We got one positive call from some guy in Wichita who thought Hauk's comedy was visionary and interesting. The other eleven hundred calls said that the man can't do comedy to save his d*ck. That's a direct quote, Sir.

McPherson

I've taken ninety calls this morning. They just don't like Hauk.

Garlic

From a Marine in Danang... "Captain Hauk sucks the sweat off a dead man's balls." I have no idea what that means, Sir but it seems very negative to me.

Clip 10

Sgt. Major Dickerson doesn't like Cronauer. And Cronauer doesn't like Sgt. Major Dickerson. This line almost got me fired once. No joke. I used it. I regretted it later but I used it. Why not try it?

Cronauer

You know... you're in more dire need of a blowjob than any white man in history.

Clip 11

Tuan might have been Cronauer's closest friend whilst in Saigon but, sadly, it turns out he was a Vietcong terrorist who's been on a watch list for some time. NOT good for Cronauer's future career.

Cronauer

Unbelievable. Five months in Saigon and my best friend turns out to be a VC. THIS WILL NOT LOOK GOOD ON A RESUMÉ!