14 MP3 Audio clips from The Hitman's Bodyguard (2017)

PLAY ALL 14 CLIPS

Clip 1

Bryce has rescued Seifert from his office. It all looked too easy. But then we weren't aware of the carnage that Bryce left behind him. Until now.

Cleaner

What?

Michael

Uh, this is Michael Bryce. I'm an executive protection agent, fully licensed and bonded within the EU -

Cleaner

Fu*kin' hell. I know it's you. I've got caller ID! Such a fu*king d*ck. You got a pickup for me and Yuzi or what?

Michael

Yes. I've extracted my client from 27 St. George Street. Clean-up is required.

[As BRYCE describes the location of the bodies he's left behind, we see exactly what he did to them]

On the seventh floor, the north stairwell, I've left a French national employed by the Taray Crime Syndicate. You'll find two more in the south stairwell. On the roof, you're gonna find another who's gonna need some dental work. In the alley, there's two gentlemen who may require some counselling. One more in the east office on the sixth floor under construction and one on the number three elevator. Oh, oh, oh! Parking garage, under the Rolls-Royce in space five, there's a pound of plastic explosives so you might want to call the bomb squad.

[As BRYCE and SEIFERT cross the street, the building behind them explodes]

Check that. Make it the fire department.

Seifert

Is that my car?

Michael

I'm afraid so. Have a seat, it's been a long day.

Clip 2

Moreno is with Interpol. He's keen to get Darius Kincaid on-board as a witness against Vladislav Dukhovich, the exiled former Belarusian dictator.

Moreno

Mr. Kincaid, this is Interpol's offer. In return for your testimony against former President Dukhovich, your wife will receive a full pardon from all jurisdictions.

Darius

You're going to pardon an innocent woman? That's mighty fu*king white of you!

Clip 3

A 300-pound investment banker's ass exploded four bags of heroin in the backseat of Bryce's car last week. And he's not happy with the job done by the valet. Not happy at all.

Michael

I've had the Black Diamond service four times now, you understand? Four times. The car still smells like a cemetery. Are you washing the car with old a**holes?

Clip 4

Sonia is not at all happy with her husband, Darius. He's the reason she's in a Dutch jail. So when he calls, pretending to be her Attorney, he gets a cold reception.

Sonia

What do you want, you useless piece of sh*t?

Darius

Baby, baby, it's me.

Sonia

[Chuckling]

My bad. What do you want, you fu*king hijo de puta motherfu*ker?!

Clip 5

It's Michael's job to keep Darius alive. He's his bodyguard. But, to be totally honest, he doesn't need one. He can take care of his mother-fu*king self!

Michael

I go through doors first. I check to see if it's clear, then you follow.

Darius

Really? You think that's necessary?

Michael

My job is to keep you out of harm's way.

Darius

[Chuckling]

Sh*t, mother-fu*ker, I am harm's way!

Clip 6

Darius has slipped through the net. Sort of. Well, not intentionally. Anyway, Interpol are now visiting Sonia in jail to see if she can help track him down.

Interpol Agent

[Clears throat]

You received a phone call today from your attorney.

Sonia

So?

Interpol Agent

Well, we asked your attorney, but... uh, he said he didn't have any contact with you.

Sonia

What? Are you fu*king kidding me? Okay, that's it! I've had it with this lawyer! He's an alcoholic. He calls me completely drunk, and he starts saying the most inappropriate things. Like, for example, what he likes to do to his wife's ass. That is a disgusting place to hide a child's toy!

Clip 7

Michael and Darius are pinned down by three gunmen. They've taken cover behind the engine block of their stolen Mercedes and now it's time to come up with a plan.

Darius

Okay. Three shooters in a row, all lit up. So, what do you want to do? While you can't come up with a plan, they're gonna come down here and kill us. So... here's the plan.

[DARIUS pulls a gun from his waistband which surprises MICHAEL as he assumed his charge to be unarmed]

Michael

What the fu*k?!

Darius

You take eleven o'clock, I'll take one. Let's see who gets to twelve first.

Michael

Okay. On three. You ready? One...

[DARIUS stands and takes three rapid shots, all of them on target]

I said on three! You shot early!

Darius

Yeah, before they did.

Michael

Let me break it down...

[Before MICHAEL has time to break anything down, their stolen Mercedes explodes]

Clip 8

Now without wheels, Michael and Darius are having to travel across the English countryside on foot. Which gives them lots of time to talk. Unfortunately.

Darius

Dude, I said I was sorry about the phone. Who knows, maybe your plan would've worked. So, what about your other plan?

Michael

There's no plan! The plan is we're in a cow pasture, that's the plan.

Darius

I'm talking about your Agent Roussel plan. That's why you're doing this, right? Get her back? You think becoming a Triple-A card-carrying d*ckhead's gonna give you an all-access backstage pass to Agent Roussel's ass!

Clip 9

Is it the way she tilts her head when she's listening? The way she bites her bottom lip? The way she smiles? The way she smells? The way she holds your hand? No. Not exactly. No.

Darius

When she severed that dude's carotid artery with a beer bottle, I knew. I knew right then.

Michael

She sounds like she's gonna make a good mother someday.

Clip 10

Darius has given Michael the slip to make a grand romantic gesture which could put them both in mortal danger.

Michael

Couldn't have just had the flowers delivered, huh?

Darius

Needed a personal touch.

Michael

Well, you were about to get his personal touch, if I hadn't followed you.

Darius

All right, I appreciate you.

Michael

And the guys who started tracking you a few blocks ago.

Darius

Oh, you mean the guy you snatched in the bush, and the two you left knocked out in the park? Like I said, I appreciate you.

Michael

Okay, so if you knew that they were out there, but you still felt it was important to deliver these flowers...

Darius

Sonia's gonna really love those flowers.

Michael

I sure fu*king hope so.

Clip 11

The shooting of Takashi Kurosawa ended Michael's relationship and his career. So when Darius admits to being the shooter, Michael can't help but punch him in the face.

Darius

Sh*t! What the fu*k, Bryce?!

Michael

We're done!

Darius

That sh*t was two years ago, man. You gonna be a little b**ch about it?

Michael

You're on your own!

Darius

Well, good! I'll be safer on my own!

Michael

You won't last one hour without me! You'll be dead in a minute!

Darius

Yeah, yeah, yeah, you're about as useful as a condom in a convent.

Michael

Eat my ass!

Darius

That's what she said!

Michael

Suck it!

Darius

Fu*k you!

Michael

Suck it!

Clip 12

In the basement of a Dutch brothel, Michael is about to be tortured to illicit the whereabouts of his charge.

Torturer

I ask you one time, polite. Where is Kincaid?

Michael

Honestly, I'd tell you if I knew. You have my word. Look at my right hand. See that? That's a Boy Scout salute. We're sworn to never lie. I've taken an oath, so you can trust -

[The TORTURER punches MICHAEL in the side of the head]

Right in the fu*king ear!

Clip 13

It's the turn of Darius to come to the rescue. He screeches to a halt in a ruined Ford Fiesta just as the fight is over.

Darius

Yo! You about done? Tick tock, motherfu*ker!

Michael

[To himself]

He's fu*king un-killable!

Clip 14

It's all over. Justice has been done. And as Michael is wheeled away on a stretcher, Darius has some final words for him.

Darius

You're welcome.

Michael

For what?

Darius

I got you a front row seat to the Roussel show, and I got you that all-access backstage pass to that ass you've been wanting so bad.

Michael

You did what?

Darius

Well, you know... you jumped out of the car, I gave her the 411 on you.

Michael

I didn't jump out of the... I went through the fu*king windshield.

Darius

Semantics.

Michael

Semantics?

Darius

Semantics. Yeah, just another way of saying the same thing -

Michael

I know what semantics means. I also know that I don't need to take love advice from you.

Darius

Oh, really? So tell me how that love life sh*t was going before I showed up.