8 MP3 Audio clips from Free Guy (2021)

PLAY ALL 8 CLIPS

Clip 1

Guy starts every day with a medium cup of coffee with cream and two sugars. Because that's what he's programmed to do. It's what every NPC character in Free City is programmed to do.

Guy

And every morning, I start my day with the most delicious coffee in the whole wide, whole world.

Barista Girl

Medium coffee, cream, two sugars.

[GUY drinks some of the coffee]

Guy

You know it. Mmm. Mmm. That is unexpectedly hot. Jeez, that's good. It's like losing my virginity. But in my mouth.

Clip 2

Millie plays Free City as Molotovgirl and she has an ulterior motive. To prove that Antwan, the head of Soonami Studios, has stolen some code that she wrote with Keys. And she needs a little help.

Molotovgirl

What have you got?

Masked Man

Proof of a secret level. That's what you're looking for, right?

Molotovgirl

You got a video or a screen-grab?

Masked Man

Nope. But I know who does.

Molotovgirl

[Drawing a large gun and pointing it at MASKED MAN]

You know what I do to people who waste my time?

Masked Man

Whoa! Wow! Someone wants to play. Hey, you really British or is that an accent filter? 'Cos maybe we could meet up later?

Molotovgirl

I don't have a burning desire to see your Mum's basement, thanks.

Clip 3

Guy and Molotov Girl have met up. It's a kind of date. And, as with all dates, Guy wants to show himself in a flattering light. A little romance, a little humour. But this joke? No, Guy. Just... no.

Guy

Weird funny? That's totally my speed, too.

Molotovgirl

Great!

Guy

Yeah! I know a joke.

Molotovgirl

[Gasps]

Guy

A weird, funny joke. You wanna hear it?

Molotovgirl

Please.

Guy

Okay. Uh... a homosexual and a man in a wheelchair are trying to murder a very small child -

Molotovgirl

Whoa!

Guy

The cripple -

Molotovgirl

Whoa! Stop!

Guy

- says to -

Molotovgirl

Stop!

Guy

- the homosexual -

Molotovgirl

STOP!

Clip 4

Guy has fallen head-over-heels in love with Molotovgirl. He wants to kiss her. Badly. No, not kiss her badly but kiss her... badly!

Guy

I really wanna kiss you. Is that weird?

Molotovgirl

You want to kiss me?

Guy

I... wanna kiss you so badly.

Molotovgirl

You want to kiss me badly?

Guy

Yeah - NO!

Clip 5

There isn't a button on the controller to kiss another character in Free City. It shouldn't be possible. But it is. Because Guy has broken his programming. He's alive. ALIVE!

Millie

The first time I kiss a non-toxic guy in, like... forever and, of course, he's not even... not even REAL!

Keys

Uh, there's not a button for that.

Millie

Oh he found the button!

Keys

Okay...

Millie

Yeah!

Clip 6

Cat Lady Phyllis is a fellow NPC. Her job is to stand on the streets of Free City shouting, "Has anyone seen my cats?" And Guy has had just about enough of her bullsh*t.

Cat Lady Phyllis

HAS ANYONE SEEN MY CATS? HAS ANYONE SEEN MY C-

Guy

Your cats? No, Phyllis, I haven't seen them but here's a revolutionary idea... close your goddam door! It's not like they're climbing on top of one another, forming a little kitty tower and then jimmying the locks. They don't have thumbs, Phyllis!

Clip 7

Guy has snapped. He needs his fellow NPCs to know that Free City isn't real. The buildings aren't real. The streets aren't real. The cars... well, they're apparently real enough.

Guy

DON'T YOU GET IT? DON'T ANY OF YOU GET IT? NONE OF THIS MATTERS. NONE OF IT. IT'S... IT'S... IT'S FAKE! WE DON'T MATTER. THAT BUILDING... THAT'S FAKE. THIS STREET... IT'S FAKE. THAT CAR...

[GUY is hit by one car, ricochets off a second and lands in a twisted heap in the middle of the street]

Clip 8

Antwan is a douche. Nobody should joke about having "ass cancer" or the equivalent in... his balls. But Antwan does. Because Antwan is a douche. I believe I may have mentioned that already.

Antwan

Yes! There he is, the little do-gooder.

Mouser

I thought you liked Blue Shirt?

Antwan

DON'T... say words to me. People are so busy watching this loser... on Twitch and YouTube. You know what they're not doing, guys? Buying Free City 2. Pre-sales are down sixteen per -

Assistant

Sixty.

Antwan

Sixty? That's bad. Oh, we are forty-eight hours from launch.

Mouser

Yeah, he's gone viral.

Antwan

Yeah, a virus that's given me ass and BALL cancer at the same time. Inoperable!