7 MP3 Audio clips from Season 2 of The Goes Wrong Show (2019)

PLAY ALL 22 CLIPS IN THE RANDOMISER™

It's the inimitable Jonathan Sayer playing Dennis who is playing Uncle Edward in the play. Clear? And, as usual, he just can't get his lines right. But then, I guess acting is... hard!

Uncle Edward

They say war changes a man, sister.

Mother

Do you think I will recognise him, Edward?

Uncle Edward

He's Roger. Of course you'll recognise your son. For years you have hoped he will come home... hard.

Mother

Hoped hard he will come home.

Uncle Edward

Hard.

Mother

Stop saying "hard." You are a pure and pious man, brother.

It's take two. Unusual for a play, I'll grant you but there were so many c*ck-ups on the first try that it seems only right they reset and started again. And... cue Uncle Edward!

Uncle Edward

They say war changes a man, sister.

Mother

Do you think I'll recognise him, Edward?

Uncle Edward

He's recognise. Of course you'll Roger your son. For years you have hoped... hard he will come home. Not hard.

Mother

You are a pure and pious man, brother.

Yep. It's Dennis again. He has a real issue with learning his lines. Which is a shame really since being an actor, that's his job. Oh well, at least nobody will notice this particular mistake.

Uncle Edward

Be careful not to work the work too work.

[DIRECTOR blows a whistle]

Careful not to hard the work too hard.

[DIRECTOR blows a whistle]

Careful not to get the two workmen too hard.

Mother

Nonsense.

Robert is not happy. Reduced to the role of Background Artist following the disaster which was Summer Once Again, he's determined to disrupt this period drama in any way he can.

Prince Regent of France

BRING FORTH...

Background Artist

BRING FORTH...

Prince Regent of France

PRINCE...

Background Artist

PRINCE...

Prince Regent of France

RICHARD.

Background Artist

D*CK!

Oh, for the love of God, Dennis. You had one job. A simple song to perform as King Walter's Fool. And you couldn't even get that right, could you?!

Fool

There was a goose that was porked by a ham. I have a sausage, as I am a man.

Ensemble

He has a sausage as he is a man.

Fool

The goose was in charge, I drank to its health. Then I took off my trousers and showed it myself.

Ensemble

He took off his trousers and showed it himself.

King Walter

This is a most pleasing tune.

Queen Isobel

Oh, prithee more! What happened to Bonnie Peggy Ramsey?

Fool

Uhhhhhhhhhm... Bonnie Peggy came back and what did she see? The goose it was nude and laying with me.

Ensemble

The goose it was nude and laying with he.

Fool

It was the first time, it shan't be the last. I put my sausage in the goose's -

Queen Isobel

Prithee no more, Fool. That's... that's quite enough, thank you.

It's the Cornley Drama Festival and Vanessa is performing a workshop, taking suggestions from the audience and turning them into short pieces of impromptu drama.

Vanessa

So, for this first scene, can someone please shout out a job. Don't be shy. I'll take anything.

Audience Member

FART INSPECTOR.

Vanessa

No. Not that. Come on.

Audience Member

BAKER.

Vanessa

Baker. Great! And I also need, um... an emotion.

Audience Member

LUST.

Vanessa

Lust?! Oh. Okay. And, finally a location.

Audience Member

HULL.

Vanessa

Hull?! Yeah! Okay, so this scene is a lusty baker in Hull. Here we go!

No explanation needed. It's Dennis again. I sometimes wonder how he passes an audition. He can't even spell the word incompetent competently. Sheesh.

Robert

And huge congratulations to Benny Webber who correctly spelled the word incompetent to win this year's Spelling Bee.

Dennis (as Benny Webber)

I-N-C-O-M-M-P-E-T-E-N-T-E-N-T-E-N-T-E.

Robert

Incommpetententente!