10 MP3 Audio clips from This Is the End (2013)

PLAY ALL 10 CLIPS

Clip 1

Jay Baruchel has flown into LA to spend some time with his friend Seth Rogen. Little does he know that fast-food is definitely off the menu for this particular visit.

Jay Baruchel

All right, I've landed. I'm here. We said our hellos. Can we please go to fu*king Carl's Jr.?

Seth Rogen

Uh, I would... I would love to. I'm on a... I can't really eat that stuff right now. I'm on a, uh...

Jay Baruchel

What?

Seth Rogen

I'm... I'm on this cleanse.

Jay Baruchel

You're... you're on a what?

Seth Rogen

I'm on a cleanse.

Jay Baruchel

[Laughs]

What?

Seth Rogen

It's good for you. I didn't know... you're supposed to take six sh*ts a day.

Jay Baruchel

That's not true.

Seth Rogen

It is true!

Jay Baruchel

You're supposed to sh*t twice a day.

Seth Rogen

No. That's not true. That's what they used to think. Now they know you're supposed to sh*t six times a day.

Jay Baruchel

So you're not drinking. You're not smoking weed. You're not...

Seth Rogen

No, no, no, I'm drinking and smoking weed.

Jay Baruchel

But -

Seth Rogen

I'm on a cleanse. I'm not psychotic. Look, man, if you stopped eating gluten, you'd feel way fu*king better all day. Whenever you feel sh*tty, that's 'cause of gluten.

Jay Baruchel

That's not true.

Seth Rogen

It is.

Jay Baruchel

Who the fu*k told you not to eat gluten?

Seth Rogen

It's just true.

Jay Baruchel

You don't even know what gluten is.

Seth Rogen

I know what fu*king gluten is.

Jay Baruchel

No, you have no idea what gluten is.

Seth Rogen

I do know what gluten is. Gluten's a vague term. It's... it's... it's... it's something that's used to categorise things that are bad, you know? Calories, that's a gluten. Fat, that's a gluten.

Jay Baruchel

Somebody just told you you probably shouldn't eat gluten, you're like, "Oh, I guess I shouldn't eat gluten."

Seth Rogen

Gluten means bad sh*t, man, and I'm not eating it.

Clip 2

James Franco is proud of his new "crib." It's like a piece of him. Which means that guests are entering... oh, good God, no!

James Franco

This place is like a piece of me. You two just stepped inside me.

Seth Rogen

You let us both come inside you. Yeah.

Clip 3

Jay isn't a particular lover of art. Especially when James tries to sell the concept by suggesting that Jay himself is a work of art, the culmination of his parents' genitalia.

James Franco

Your mama's pu**y was the canvas. Your dad's d*ck was the paintbrush. Boom. You're the art. Huh?

Jay Baruchel

Thanks, James Franco.

Clip 4

I'm not sure what Danny believes his friends get up to when he's not around but... well, actually, I do know what he believes his friends get up to when he's not around!

Danny McBride

I know what happened. You guys dropped acid, didn't you? Mmm-hmm. Craig doesn't have any pants on. He got fu*king wild. Probably danced, sweated all over the place. You got white sh*t all over your mouth, Franco. You probably sucked somebody's d*ck. Jonah over here probably watched and jerked off. Jay, I didn't even know you were in town. Good to see you.

Seth Rogen

Dan, we're not on acid. We didn't suck each other's d*cks!

Danny McBride

James Franco didn't suck any d*ck last night? Now I know y'all are trippin'.

Clip 5

Surely there's nobody who's unfamiliar with the phrase, "elephant in the room," right? Well, apparently, Seth Rogen has never heard it before.

Jay Baruchel

Guys, listen, listen. I... I think we need to address the elephant in the room.

Seth Rogen

Whoa! Jay, don't talk about Craig like that.

Craig Robinson

That's fu*ked up. I'm right here, man.

Seth Rogen

Yeah.

Jay Baruchel

I'm not calling Craig an elephant.

Clip 6

I have no words for this clip. Simply no words. Well, I have one word for this clip. And it's the hardest word to say... Sorry.

James Franco

Who did this?

Seth Rogen

Did what? What are you talking about?

James Franco

Jizzed all over the pages of this nice magazine I was nice enough to tell you about. Was it you, Seth?

Seth Rogen

No.

James Franco

No?

Danny McBride

It was me, Franco. I fu*king made jizz in your magazine.

James Franco

Why?

Danny McBride

When I fu*king jack off long enough, I end up jizzing, dude. I'm assuming the same sh*t works for you?

James Franco

Real fu*king smart answer! Why don't you fu*king aim, huh?

Danny McBride

I have a particularly explosive ejaculate. It just goes everywhere. It's like a fu*king wild fireman's hose. You just got to grab on and pray to God it doesn't get in your eyes or your mouth.

James Franco

The fu*k kind of jerking off is that? What, you never had any brothers? You didn't learn to jizz in a fu*king sock or on a fu*king tissue?

Danny McBride

No, I don't have any brothers. I was raised in a house of women!

James Franco

I highly doubt they fu*king taught you to fu*king close your eyes and fu*king cum wherever you want!

Danny McBride

I mean, you're getting all worked up over a fu*king porno mag! Who has goddamn porno mags anymore? Welcome to the 21st century, Buck Rogers! You designed a house with fu*king iPads in the walls, yet you're jerking your d*ck like a goddamn pilgrim!

James Franco

That's right, man. I like to fu*king read!

Danny McBride

You think that's the only thing I jerked off on in here? I've been dropping loads around this fu*king house like a goddamn dump truck.

James Franco

You don't cum on my stuff!

Danny McBride

I'll cum wherever the fu*k I want, James. I'll fu*king cum in your kitchen. I'll cum on your fu*king art. I'll cum anywhere I want!

James Franco

I will fu*king cum right on you! I will cum like a fu*king madman all over you, McBride!

Danny McBride

Ooh. I fu*king wish you'd cum on me right now. I fu*king dare you to cum on me!

James Franco

[Grunting]

Danny McBride

God! I'm gonna jack my d*ck so fu*king hard in here!

James Franco

This, no more, man. All over your fu*king face.

Danny McBride

This fu*king all more. All over the fu*king place! I'll fu*king cum anywhere I want! I'll fu*king cum on these walls! I'll cum on the fu*king cabinets! On the fu*king furniture! I'll cum everywhere!

James Franco

If I see your d*ck one more time, I'm gonna fu*king shoot it off!

Danny McBride

You don't have enough bullets, b**ch.

James Franco

No fu*king jerking off in my house, McBride!

Clip 7

Wait... what?! No. This is beyond the... I mean, really? As a baby... his mother's breasts? Motorboating? What is wrong with these Hollywood types?

Danny McBride

This is how you all feel?

Seth Rogen

We talked about it.

Danny McBride

You guys are gonna... vote me off the island? I mean, I... I made you guys breakfast.

James Franco

Aw sh*t, man, you wasted half of our food when you did that.

Danny McBride

Just thought I was doing something nice for you guys. Just to apologise for my behaviour at the party. Party I wasn't even invited to.

James Franco

[Sighs]

Danny McBride

I'm not an idiot. I know why you guys don't fu*king call me or hang out with me anymore. It's because I party so fu*king hard. Always have. Ever since I was a baby. I wouldn't just suck on my mama's titties. I would fu*king bang 'em and motorboat 'em.

Clip 8

When Jay volunteers to venture next door to find food, Craig kindly volunteers to accompany him. But it's not because of any pact or feelings of solidarity. No. The reason is much more mundane.

Craig Robinson

I'll go with you, Jay.

Jay Baruchel

Really? Is it because of our pact upstairs?

Craig Robinson

Nah, 'cause you got them skinny-ass arms. You couldn't carry enough to feed a hamster.

Clip 9

Jonah has been possessed by a demon. It's like something out of the exorcist, only without the 360° head rotation or projectile pea soup.

Demon Jonah

I'm gonna tittie-fu*k you, Seth.

Seth Rogen

Don't tittie-fu*k me!

Demon Jonah

What are they, big B's or small C's? I'm gonna push your titties together. Push 'em together!

Clip 10

Jay's only knowledge of exorcism is the character Father Damien Karras in the The Exorcist. He has one line memorised. One line that's supposed to work. But doesn't. Obviously.

Demon Jonah

Jonah Hill is no more.

Jay Baruchel

Demon?

Demon Jonah

Yes?

Seth Rogen

Fu*k. That's not good. That's not good.

Demon Jonah

Jay, you fool.

Jay Baruchel

I say unto thee, the power of Christ compels you!

Demon Jonah

Oh, does it? Does it compel me?

Jay Baruchel

The power of Christ compels you!

Demon Jonah

Does it, Jay?

Jay Baruchel

The power of Christ compels you!

Demon Jonah

Is the power of Christ compelling me? Is that what's happening?

Jay Baruchel

The power of Christ compels you!

Demon Jonah

Guess what? It's not that compelling.