11 MP3 Audio clips from Fierce Creatures (1997)

PLAY ALL 11 CLIPS

Clip 1

Vince should be excited that Willa Weston has come on board to help with the acquisition of Marwood Zoo. Instead, he's psyched that her breasts are real. I mean... wow. Just wow!

Vince McCain

Willa, can I ask you a question?

Willa Weston

Sure.

Vince McCain

Are those breasts real?

Willa Weston

Yes.

[VINCE leaves the boardroom, closing the door behind him]

Vince McCain

YIPPEE!

Clip 2

The keepers have handed over five of the cuddliest animals to Rollo Lee, telling him that HE must shoot them. But he won't will he? He's not a cold-blooded murderer. Is he? IS he?

Reggie Sealions

You should have seen his face when he realised he was supposed to shoot them.

Bugsy Malone

Without wishing to detract from your award-winning performances, may I be so bold as to inquire what you hope to achieve by this prank?

Cub Felines

Prank?! It wasn't a prank, Bugsy. We're tryin' to confront him with the reality.

Bugsy Malone

If you paint him into a corner, you'll find that he will...

Sydney Small Animals

Bugsy, shut up. He's not a cold-blooded murderer. We've given him the five sweetest, cuddliest, most loveable...

[Gunshots ring out, silencing the group]

Clip 3

Rollo didn't shoot the five animals. He hid them. In his bedroom. So when Vince McCain calls in the early hours, waking Rollo and his menagerie, confusion and chaos follows.

[ROLLO is awoken by the telephone ringing and he answers it]

Rollo Lee

Yes?

Vince McCain

Hello, Rollo.

Rollo Lee

Yes?

Vince McCain

Vince here. How you doin'? You having dinner?

Rollo Lee

Dinner? It's... it's, uh, two o'clock in the morning.

Vince McCain

Oh. Were you asleep?

Rollo Lee

Uh, yes. I frequently am at 2am, I'm afraid. Filthy habit I picked up in the Far East.

Vince McCain

Oh, gee. Look, if this communique is in any way, uh... sleep-interruptive, I'll, uh... re-telephone you later.

Rollo Lee

No, no. It's not sleep interruptive, really. So let's chat now. I can always catch up on some rest. Christmas probably. Right.

Vince McCain

Okay, good. Let's talk marketing, shall we?

Rollo Lee

Oh, good.

Vince McCain

Yeah, uh... first thing tomorrow I'd like you to send me the most current marketing figures that you've got, okey-doke?

Rollo Lee

Right.

[A Lemur pounces on ROLLO'S head]

Ah!

Willa Weston

Uh, Rollo. Hi. Willa Weston here. Are you all right?

Rollo Lee

No, no. Not now. Not now! Would you...

Vince McCain

You got a problem with now?

Rollo Lee

No, no. I'm fine. Don't do that. Sorry. Hang on a moment. Suzie, be quiet. Shh! Shh! Hello? Um... I'm just going to put you on hold just for one moment. Okay? Thank you.

Vince McCain

Another filthy habit he picked up in the Far East.

Rollo Lee

Now, you just go over there. Right. Stay. Don't. Don't. Don't. Just stop it. I've got to talk with those marketing loonies. Now, just go over there and play with each other. Right? Go on.

Vince McCain

He's got two girls.

Rollo Lee

Go away, Suzie. Suzie, what are you going down there for? Ah! Ah! No! Stop licking my... careful! Ah! Ah. Don't bite. Ah. Ah. No. I can't fool around with you now. Go. Ow! Ow! Don't pull. Don't pull. Ah. Get... there. Ah. There. Stay. Stay. Cindy, get off the bed. Cindy! Off, off! I don't want you now. Get...

Vince McCain

Three girls?

Rollo Lee

Cindy, go away.

Willa Weston

Three?

Rollo Lee

Go on. Just go. Oh, that is disgusting.

[Returning to the phone]

Sorry. I had a bit of a cramp. Hello?

Clip 4

The keepers have been faking injuries in an attempt to convince Rollo that all of their animals are fierce. Rollo has rumbled them. And he has a rifle.

[As the KEEPERS duck for cover, ROLLO repeatedly discharges his rifle around the room, deliberately aiming away from them]

Rollo Lee

Something wrong with the sights on this. I keep hitting coffee mugs.

Clip 5

Willa likes Rollo. We know it, Cub knows it, everyone knows it. But it takes Bugsy to break down what her attraction means in real terms. Mounting behaviour? Oh, good lord!

Cub Felines

She likes you.

Rollo Lee

What do you mean?

Bugsy Malone

What she means is that the pheromones that you're unconsciously releasing into the atmosphere have the physiological effect of increasing the statistical probability of her taking part in some form of mounting behaviour. Not unlike that of an African Grasshopper.

Clip 6

Rollo is somewhat distracted. By Willa's heaving breasts. And this leads to him making some... boobs.

Willa Weston

Look at them. Aren't they gorgeous? Oh, they just make you want to fondle them.

Rollo Lee

Oh, yes! Yes! Uh... I see what you mean. Yes.

Willa Weston

Is this one your favourite?

Rollo Lee

Yes, yes I like him breast of... uh, best... of all the... the small mammaries. Mammals! Sorry. Yes, h-h-his name's, uh... Rollo, actually.

Willa Weston

Really?

Rollo Lee

Mmm. Yes, so I sort of feed him some little special titsbits... tits... sorry. Tidbits. I keep making boobs. Anyway, he just loves his nuts.

Willa Weston

Does he?

Clip 7

Still distracted by Willa's beauty, Rollo can't help but get his mords wuddled. Words muddled. You know what I mean.

Rollo Lee

Yes, I mean, um... some... some of the sponsorship gimmicks are a bit sexessive... exsexy... sexis...

Willa Weston

Excessive.

Rollo Lee

That's it. Sorry. Freudian slit... slut... slot, um...

Willa Weston

Slip.

Rollo Lee

Slip. Slip.

Willa Weston

Slip.

Rollo Lee

Sorry. Slip.

Clip 8

It's pitiful, really. Rod has been reduced to begging his father for money. But his father is having none it. With Rod McCain, business comes first.

Vince McCain

Okay, look. What about a small advance on my inheritance?

Rod McCain

What inheritance?

Vince McCain

Well... I'm your son. You have to leave me something.

Rod McCain

Why?

Vince McCain

Y... you screwed up my whole childhood!

Rod McCain

How could I have? Wasn't even there.

Clip 9

Amazing what effect an erection can have on people's ability to string a sentence together, isn't it? Take Rollo for example. He can't seem to speak to Willa without becoming confused.

Willa Weston

You know about this stuff?

Rollo Lee

Well, I was in the police for twenty years, you know. I mean, it's not just hitting people on the head with d*cks... sticks! Sticks. Sorry.

Clip 10

Bugsy has ended up in possession of a gun. Rod asks him for it. Not figuratively... literally. But the weapon discharges unexpectedly, killing Rod... almost instantly.

Rod McCain

Gimme that gun.

Bugsy Malone

It's all right, Mr McCain. It's a Beretta Model 34 -

[The gun discharges, the round hitting ROD McCAIN in the forehead]

Rod McCain

You're fired.

[ROD farts loudly and falls backwards to the ground, dead]

Clip 11

Vince must now impersonate his late father in order to fool the police and Neville into believing that he is now inheriting Octopus Inc. and a $7,000,000,000 fortune as beneficiary of Rod's will.

Vince McCain

As a result of my talk with Vince, I've decided to leave Octopus to him.

Neville Coltrane

What? Leave Octopus to Vince?

Vince McCain

Shut up! He's a good boy.

Neville Coltrane

Good boy? He's a total wa*ker, Rod!

[VINCE punches NEVILLE in the stomach]

Vince McCain

I won't have you talk about him like that!