6 MP3 Audio clips from Freddy Got Fingered (2001)

PLAY ALL 6 CLIPS

Clip 1

There's nothing quite like speeding away from your father and shouting abuse at pedestrians to fill his heart with pride, is there?

Gord Brody

Father, I will be a good man.

Jim Brody

You make your daddy proud. You hear me?

Gord Brody

I'm gonna make you proud, Daddy. I'm gonna make you so proud!

Jim Brody

You make your daddy proud.

Gord Brody

You're gonna be so proud.

Jim Brody

Proud?

Gord Brody

Proud!

[GORD starts the engine of his Le Baron and speeds away]

Get the fu*k outta the way!

Clip 2

Gord is working late on the skateboard ramp he's constructing on the front lawn of his parents' house. VERY late.

Darren

Shh! Gord! Gord! Don't hammer 'em so loud. It's late. You're gonna wake up your parents.

Gord Brody

You're right. I should probably use the electric nail gun.

Darren

Yeah.

[The electric nail gun turns out to be even louder than the hammer]

Darren

Shh, Gord. Gord!

Gord Brody

What?

Jim Brody

Oh, boys! Would you two faggots stop making so fu*king much noise? We're sleeping!

Clip 3

Jim Brody isn't what you might call, "politically correct." For the record, Jim, the term for someone in a wheelchair is NOT a cripple.

Jim Brody

Wait a minute. You're a cripple.

Gord Brody

Dad!

Betty

Wh... what?!

Gord Brody

DAD!

Betty

You got a problem with my legs?

Jim Brody

No, you got a problem with your legs. Either that or you're just lazy.

Clip 4

For the record, Jim does NOT touch Freddy. He's not a child molester. But Gord does a pretty darned good job of convincing a psychiatrist that he does and is.

Jim Brody

You're an embarrassment to my family.

Gord Brody

Oh, yeah? Well, at least I don't touch Freddy.

Jim Brody

Hey, what?

Psychiatrist

Excuse me?

Gord Brody

Yeah, he touches my little brother. He takes him down behind the furnace, and he touches him in his pants.

Jim Brody

See the insanity I have to put up with?

Gord Brody

He's embarrassed. He touches my little brother. He... he... he fingers him.

Jim Brody

You're a goddamn liar!

Julie Brody

Jim, do you touch him? Do you finger our boy?

Jim Brody

Don't you get wacky on me. What the fu*k are we talkin' about here?

Psychiatrist

Mr. Brody, this is very serious. Based on what I've heard here, I am required by law to notify the authorities.

Gord Brody

Do you hear that, Dad? You're gonna pay! He's a molester. He's a child... molester! Aaah! Aaah!

Clip 5

If you go into a sandwich shop and Gord Brody is serving, don't for the love of God complain about a lack of cheese. It'll only set him off.

Gord Brody

Is there a problem?

Customer

Yeah, moron. I ordered a cheese sandwich, and there's hardly any cheese in here.

Gord Brody

That's no good, is it? Here, give me your sandwich. I will fix it for you.

[GORD begins piling a ludicrous amount of Kraft cheese on top of the customer's sandwich]

We can't have people complaining that there's not enough cheese in the cheese sandwiches, now, can we? I mean, if there's no cheese in a cheese sandwich, it's basically just two slices of bread! If word of that were to get out, I could lose my job! I could lose all of this! And we wouldn't want that, now, would we? Would we? Would we? Huh?

Customer

What the fu*k am I supposed to do with that?

Gord Brody

Well, you could stick it in your bum-bum. You could put the cheese in your bum.

Clip 6

"I just wanna stay home and suck your c*ck." Said no woman, EVER. I mean, as far-fetched as some of the scenes in this movie were, this is the most outlandish.

Betty

Gord, I don't care about jewels. I just wanna... I just wanna suck your c*ck.

Gord Brody

Do you... do you really mean that, Betty?

Betty

Yes, Gord. Even if you were poor, I'd still just wanna stay home and... and suck your c*ck.