16 MP3 Audio clips from RocknRolla (2008)

PLAY ALL 16 CLIPS

Clip 1

Mark Strong's V/O for the introduction to this movie is legendary. If you've ever asked yourself what a RocknRolla is, you'd better listen in, because school is about to start.

Archy (V/O)

People ask the question. What's a RocknRolla? And I tell 'em. It's not about drums, drugs and hospital drips. Oh, no. There's more there than that, my friend. We all like a bit of the good life. Some, the money. Some, the drugs. Others the sex game, the glamour or the fame. But a RocknRolla, oh, he's different. Why? Because a real RocknRolla wants the fu*king lot.

Clip 2

As similes for something moving quickly go, this has got to be my new favourite. Sh*t through a goose. It's eloquent and succinct. And also very true.

Barrister

You'll get the planning. Take care of the Councillor, and it'll move like sh*t through a goose.

Clip 3

It's all a scam. Lenny pretends he can't get planning permission, leaving One Two and Mumbles owing him money. So he turns the property himself for a profit and then collects from them, too!

Barrister

Sorry, boys, can't get the planning.

Archy (V/O)

Oh, isn't that an unpleasant surprise. Because they don't wanna owe Lenny.

One Two

He can't get the planning.

Archy (V/O)

That's right, sweetheart...

Mumbles

Can't get the planning?

Archy (V/O)

...you've been fu*ked!

Clip 4

And it's not just the locals that Lenny rips off. Oh, no. He's going international. The Russians. Fu*king psychopaths to a man but he doesn't care. It's all about the money.

Archy (V/O)

Now, today is Lenny's big day. He's hit the big time... because a new Russian billionaire desires Lenny's property contacts. He wants planning permission where the law won't allow. Lenny will come through... but he will rape that Russian for every ruble he can get.

Clip 5

Lenny has a favourite painting. His lucky painting. And he's leant it to Lenny. Lenny loves it. It's taken pride of place in his office. But now it seems to have grown legs and walked.

Lenny Cole

Yeah, you're right. He wouldn't give me his favorite painting, would he... if he didn't mean business? Yeah, yeah, I've took it off the easel, and, uh... I've put it on the wall. Yeah, it looks mag -

[Having been leaning back his chair, LENNY notices that the painting is missing and promptly falls off his chair]

Archy, I've been... fu*k! Archy? Archy, I've been robbed.

Clip 6

If Danny is a gangster... a true gangster then surely he should've mastered the old C*ckney Dry Slap by now. Back of the hand, fingers together, swing from the hips. Boom!

Archy

Bandy, you ever ask a stupid question like that again, you see Danny there? He's gonna slap you.

Bandy

I'm sorry, Arch. I was just trying to use initiative.

Archy

Danny, slap him.

[DANNY slaps BANDY on the right cheek]

With the right, Danny, properly.

[DANNY slaps BANDY across the left cheek]

No, no, no, come on, do it properly with the back of the right hand.

Danny

What is this, a tennis match, Arch?

Archy

Slap him.

[DANNY gives BANDY a back-hand slap across the left cheek]

Archy

Oh, for fu*k... like this.

[ARCHY'S slap is vicious and right on target]

Clip 7

When Handsome Bob decides to come out to his best friend, One Two is shocked. Which is surprising because everyone else already knew he was gay.

Handsome Bob

I don't want the strippers, One Two.

One Two

Okay.

Handsome Bob

I want you.

[It takes a moment for what HANDSOME BOB has just said to sink in, at which point ONE TWO slams on the brakes and leaps out of the car in disgust]

One Two

Dirty bastard! You dirty bastard!

Clip 8

Tank may be the same size as a tank but that's not why he's got that nickname. Oh, no. It's for his brains, not his brawn.

Tank

Now, you know why they call me Tank, don't you, Archy?

Archy

It's because you're a dirty, big black bas -

Tank

Think tank, Arch. Nothing gets past the old think tank.

Clip 9

It's no wonder Johnny Quid turned out the way he did. His step-father, Lenny Cole was an absolute a**hole to him. Abusive and offensive.

[In this flashback, young JOHNNY QUID is performing with a plastic saxophone in front of a mirror when LENNY COLE comes into the room and slaps him]

Lenny Cole

Now, listen to me, boy. Listen. I never did like you, neither did your real dad. You're a reject. A wrong 'un. A fu*king fairy in the mirror that I inherited from your mom. But she ain't with us no more, so it's just you and me. Now, next week, you're going back to school. The most expensive fu*king school in this country, I might add. And then you'll be gone for a whole term. In the meantime, show some gratitude and keep the fu*king music down.

Clip 10

Johnny Quid is full of sh*t. He's not qualified to deal out psychotherapy. He's a total mess. But he does look like a pothead which means few people have the minerals to mess with him.

Pete

Me dad used to make me watch Bonanza every Sunday after church.

Johnny Quid

Well, that's got to have done some damage. All those guns, nuns and cowboys.

Pete

You think? It wasn't all bad. He sometimes made me laugh too.

Johnny Quid

Well, now we're onto something. Did he ever... interfere with you? You know, touch you inappropriate-like.

Pete

He tickled me, if that's what you mean.

Johnny Quid

You see, in psychological circles, there's a technical term for that scenario.

Pete

There is?

Johnny Quid

Monsteroustickalatis.

Pete

You what?

Johnny Quid

Your dad was a tickling monster.

Old Man

Oi, that's my drink.

Pete

Fu*k you, sing-along. You're no help, and stop calling me Pedro.

Old Man

Oi!

Johnny Quid

Come on then, boy. I'll have you and your girlfriends. I'll do the lot of youse. Do I not look like a pothouse? Six foot down the bar. Go on, jog on, walk on, goodbye, bon voyage, fu*k off.

Clip 11

Lenny wants to see Johnny Quid. And he's not going to take his supposed death at sea as a valid excuse for not seeing him. No. When Lenny wants something, Lenny gets it.

Roman

Uh, can we help you?

Lenny Cole

Yeah. You've got an act called the Quid Lickers.

Roman

We did, yeah.

Lenny Cole

And there's a singer called Johnny Quid.

Roman

There was.

Lenny Cole

Well, I'd like to see Mr. Quid.

Roman

I'd like to see him too, but that's gonna be tricky. According to the papers... the only songs Mr. Quid's gonna be singing are hymns.

Lenny Cole

And I shed a tear. I shed a tear for all those bone tops that read the papers and believe that sh*t. But did you see his body? Did you see him smacked up and cracked up, with his tongue on his chin and his c*ck in his hand... swinging from the rafters like a real RocknRolla? No, you didn't, did you? And nobody else fu*king did either, did they? Because he ain't dead. He's alive, alive-o somewhere, selling c*ckles and mussels... and a very important painting that doesn't belong to him.

Clip 12

Bugle. It's street slang for cocaine. And Cookie is pleased that at this particular party, the stuff is flowing like water.

Cookie

I owe you one. This lot are doing more bugle than a brass section!

Clip 13

It's that moment when One Two realises he was the only one who didn't know that Handsome Bob was gay. It's excruciating for him and even worse for us. Or is that the other way around? Probably.

One Two

Mumbles, there is something about Bob that I don't think you know.

Mumbles

What's that, then? That he's a poof?

One Two

How the fu*k did you know that?

Mumbles

Come on, everyone knows he's a flamer. You're the only one that doesn't. No. He likes the boys. It's sausage and beans all day long, mate.

One Two

What the fu*k are you talking about?

Clip 14

What Mumbles says about Handsome Bob is actually lovely. It's a little "back-handed" but it's a compliment at heart. What do you think?

Mumbles

Let me tell you something, Mr. One Two. If I could be half the human that Bob is at the price of being a poof, I'd think about it. Not for too long, but I'd have to pause, you know?

Clip 15

If you value your testicles, you're probably best to keep a civil tongue in your head when dealing with Lenny. Because he likes nothing better than squeezing clackers until they pop.

Archy

Lenny's good for the money, Councillor. He always has been. So don't go getting cold feet.

Councillor

I can't do it this time. It's not fu*king Zaire, Lenny.

[LENNY takes hold of the COUNCILLOR'S testicles and pushes him against a wall]

Get off my bollocks, Lenny.

Lenny Cole

Don't you ever swear at me, you yellow puddle of immigrant p*ss... or I'll drown you in it. You feel that, do you, Councillor? You don't think there's a paper trail for all those gifts? The cars, the holidays, the tennis courts, the swimming pools. I own these bollocks. And right now, they're more fragile than a pair of quail's eggs. Now, get it done.

Clip 16

Nice that Handsome Bob has managed to retain his sense of humour in the face of his best friend turning out to be so ridiculously homophobic.

One Two

All right, let's go pick up the paperwork from your boyfriend. And drop me off on the way, huh? I'm going back to bed.

Handsome Bob

Can I come?

[ONE TWO slaps HANDSOME BOB in the side of the face and MUMBLES and HANDSOME BOB laugh]