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4 MP3 Audio clips from Season 9 of Hale & Pace (1986)

Hale & Pace was the comedy sketch show of Gareth Hale & Norman Pace which first hit UK screens in 1986 and went on for 12 years. During its run, it spawned a number of popular and oft-quoted characters and provided some equally memorable spoof musical numbers. It got funnier as time went on which is why we start slowly and build up!

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Timestamp: 2023-12-19 | Added: 2023-12-17
Hale & Pace

Hale & Pace | Season 9

© 1986 London Weekend Television

Hale & Pace was the comedy sketch show of Gareth Hale & Norman Pace which first hit UK screens in 1986 and went on for 12 years. During its run, it spawned a number of popular and oft-quoted characters and provided some equally memorable spoof musical numbers. It got funnier as time went on which is why we start slowly and build up!

UPDATED: | CLIPS: 58

WARNING: ADULT CONTENT!

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Clip 1

S09 E01

It's awful when you can't get a babysitter and have to miss out on special occasions as a result. But that's a small price to pay for having children, in my opinion.

Download Clip 0317-53 to your PC / Mac  

[A man sits solemnly alone at a restaurant table set for two]

Waiter

Special occasion, sir?

Man

Yes. My wife's birthday, actually.

[He raises his glass in a toast to his absent companion]

Happy birthday, darling.

Waiter

Has she, um... passed away?

Man

No. We couldn't get a babysitter.

Clip 2

S09 E02

Just goes to show, you should never make assumptions based only on what you hear.

Download Clip 0317-54 to your PC / Mac  

Father

Come on, Thomas. Quick, quick, quick, before Mr. Pooey-Plops arrives.

Thomas

Da-ad!

Father

Look, last time we end up with Mr. Pooey-Plops in our pants, didn't we? And we didn't like that, did we? There we are, then. Pants down, up on the seat, and a big squeeeeeeeeze! Goodness, Mr. Pooey-Plops has brought all his friends along this time, hasn't he? There we are then, let's give it a wipe. Then pants up, and, "bye-bye Mr. Pooey-Plops!"

[Toilet flushes]

Bye bye!

Thomas

Dad?

Father

Yeah?

Thomas

I want to go as well. I don't need you!

[THOMAS goes back into the cubicle and closes the door, leaving his father stood outside]

Clip 3

S09 E03

Hmm. The least said about this, the better. It makes a mockery of the British justice system. Which, in fact, is about as broken as it's possible to get. So crack on and mock it!

Download Clip 0317-55 to your PC / Mac  

Prosecutor

You've been found guilty of seventeen separate counts of male prostitution, Mr. James Possit. Twenty-eight Kings Street, South-East London.

James Possit

That's not my address.

Prosecutor

No. It's mine. I'll be home about seven-thirty.

Clip 4

S09 E04

Hmm. I guess that's the risk you take with a mail-order bride, isn't it? Number 357 could well have a c*ck and balls as well as a winning smile and nice pair of breasts.

Download Clip 0317-56 to your PC / Mac  

Man

Got myself a Filipino bride, 'cause they said that Eastern women made you feel a real man. They were right. She's a transsexual.